Thursday, October 11, 2007

Memories...Like the times I can't remember and those other times I'd like to forget...

First, let me say this, I followed a pickup try LOADED with bales of hay this morning and now my car is COVERED in hay! That is all.
Isn't "funny" how places that we've been before bring us right back to when were there originally? I work in a high school that was a major competitor of my high school, still is. I played basketball during my high school career and as a freshman I blew out my knee pretty badly- on the court of the school where I now teach. I didn't realize it until last night but every time I step into the gym I am immediately brought back to the night that I was hurt. I can remember just about every single thing about that night/day from the time we got into the van at my school to the argument between my teammates and I about who would ride shotgun next to our CRAZY coach who drove so erratically that we were convinced we would die on our way to anywhere to the snow that started to fall as we were careening down winding mountain roads in the backwoods of NJ. Incidentally, I got the shotgun seat and yes, I did see my life flash before my eyes each time coach would open the driver's side door to spit his chew juice out because the window didn't work. Every single thing I remember. I could even tell you exactly where I was standing on the court when the injury happened and how they laid me down afterwards and what I said to the refs as they took care of me. I can tell you how I felt while it was all happening and the looks on the faces of my friends and teammates as they watched in "horror" as body parts were in places that they should not have been. The smell is even the same. It is absolutely incredible to me what the mind can remember and process and bring out when it is given the opportunity.

Each time I hear the song "Carolina on my mind" by James Taylor I think of a kid I went to grade school with because he was constantly singing it and we were probably the only two kids in our grade school who even knew who James Taylor was, thanks to our parents who are now- and always were- good friends. Whenever I hear a certain song by Destiny's Child I think of senior year of college when I lived in a townhouse with 3 friends and that's what would blare through my part of the house each morning as I showered. Anytime I am in Philadelphia or I see pictures of the Schuylkill River I am brought right back to 4:30am practices on the water and standing on the dock trying to figure out if I was hallucinating the words wrapping around the energy building in Center City. There are so many things that our minds bring us back to.

There are things that I would rather not remember but sometimes I do because of triggers but I do my best to associate these memories with good things rather than the sadness they might conjure up. It is sad when I think about the night I was in a bathroom stall and overheard something at our team Christmas party that I shouldn't have. But what I overheard ended up bringing me together with my best friend and beginning a friendship that would last through all sorts of things and lead to all new avenues and people. I hate thinking about the time just after my knee surgery when I felt completely helpless and like a cripple and when therapy took longer than anyone thought. Or the time after my daughter was born and depression set in. I don't like remembering those times, among others. But they have the power to show me my own power and strength. The bad times teach us and help us grow. They also make us into the people we are. Our actions and words define who we are seen as and who we become and we must remember that above all else. Our memories show us where we came from and who we came from- who we were and who we have become.

So, Barbara had it right "...misty watercolor memories of the way we were... can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line?" I try to remember things exactly as they happened or why remember them at all.


Manic Mom said...

WOW! I can imagine what it's like to walk onto that b-ball court and the experiences you had there, and now you work there!!!

Thanks for stopping by Manic Mom's! Glad to meet ya!

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