Friday, October 19, 2007

I was Going to but then...

I was going to write about my pinstripe pants that I have on that defeat the entire purpose of being pinstriped...they do not make me look taller or like I have longer legs that are thinner. They make me look a little wider and it upsets me. Then I went to my local newspaper website and saw that an area baseball coach and teacher and community member had passed away this morning and I felt the need to touch on that.

Brian Fleury was a coach, a teacher, a father, a husband. I did not know him well, only met him maybe once or twice at a random baseball game or athletic event but I had read about him and followed his story. He was an amazing athlete who was struck with Hodgkin's' disease as a young man, battled it, went into remission, only to have it return a few short years ago. He passed away this morning leaving his wife and young son. It is horrible that this man, who was kind, loved by many and admired for his strength and courage, has passed on. He's no longer in pain which is of some comfort but I think the thing that is most upsetting is that he leaves behind his little boy and family. I guess that is the thing that is always upsetting about death- those of who are left behind.

I was looking through pictures on a website dedicated to Brian and it brought tears to my eyes to think of his son who has only photos and memories of his dad. Then I began to think about my own children and the idea of leaving them and it was full on waterworks. My family is central to my life, as I'm sure Brian's was to his. The idea that I might not be there on my daughter's wedding day or see my son graduate from college is horrifying to me! Is it a reality? I guess it could be but it's something I try not to think about all too often. I dealt with a lot of those feelings when I was diagnosed with two tumors on my thyroid and I'm beginning to feel them creeping back as I await the results of my cancer screening. I make a conscious effort each and every day to thank God for what I have, to love my children as much as humanly possible, to tell them I love them as much as I can and to hug them and play with them at every chance. But it doesn't always happen. I get tired, I get distracted, I find myself doing other things that I deem more important. They never are.

In looking at those pictures I came to realize that I have been more concerned with stupid things and stupid people rather than those who matter most. I have allowed myself to drift away from what is most important and in doing so I have neglected those that are most important. Life is so very precious and it is so much more important for us to be good and loving people on this earth while we have the opportunity to than to worry about the people who don't really care about us anyway. Why waste our time worrying about the people who are never there for us when the people who are always there we've "forgotten" about? Every moment is precious and every person we encounter is a chance for us to touch a life in an amazing way.


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