Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Something New and Fun

This Could be fun..... Go Ahead, check it out...you KNOW you want to!

The Thirty Year Tridea .

Monday, November 23, 2009

I Learn Something New Every Day

If there is one thing that I have learned in the almost 7 years that I've been married it's that I know very little about being married.

Every day I learn something new about marriage and my husband and how to make things work.

Our first year of marriage was hard work. Every year since then has been hard work but it has been worth it.

There are days that we argue.

There are days when we can't stop laughing with one another.

There are days when we don't even see each other.

There are days when my husband supports me.

There are days when I support my husband.

Today was one of those days.

My husband works hard. I mean really hard. He busts his ass at just about everything he does. He works two jobs and until recently he was in school full time, as well.

When we got married he was working in sales and was a top performer every year. The company he worked for SUCKED. In every single way this company sucked. When the opportunity arose for him to get out he jumped at it. It was an adjustment but we rolled with it and dealt with all of the changes that came with the new job, new company, new responsibilities, new schedule.

The new company was really great. Great people. Good pay. Great benefits. Okay schedule. Not bad commute. And my husband was really happy.

He moved up quickly. Raises and promotions. He was motivated to continue working hard and never looked back.

Until today.

He was up for a pretty big promotion. A really big promotion that had all but been promised to him.

He had been groomed for this position. It. Was. His.

Until it wasn't.

Tonight he came home and it was time for me to support him. It was time for me to be there for him. It was time for me to put aside my crappy ass day and my ultra high stress level and listen as he ranted and raved about this "injustice".

And it is an injustice.

This sucks for him. He deserved this. He wanted this. And he is so very upset about not getting it.

Tonight, over dinner we talked. Or really he talked. I listened. I offered words of encouragement and sorrow. I shared his anger and his pain. And then offered optimism.

Maybe this is all for the best. He may not be getting a promotion- yet- but he got a raise and he is being moved closer to home.

That doesn't erase his need for comfort and compassion.

And it doesn't erase the fact that he needs to know why he passed over.

But tonight I learned that I am his compliment and he is mine.

Tonight he is hurting and I want to make it stop for him but all I can do is listen and offer some optimism.

And that is the something new I've learned today.

That, and sometimes it really sucks to get passed over for the one thing you wanted and deserved.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Honoring the Blessings

I am very fortunate. I know this. I remind myself of this constantly. I try, very hard, to make sure that I give back and say thank you for all that I've been given and blessed with.

Last night I was reminded, again, how lucky I am in the friends that I've been blessed with.

We gave our dog back last night. Her foster mom came to get her and in a matter of minutes we were dogless.

My son was sad. Very sad.

My husband was said when he got home after work and saw we were without dog.

I was sad when there was no little furry friend curled up on the couch with me.

My daughter waved gleefully at the door as the dog walked away from us.

I had a friend over for a mini girls' night (the husband was working late) and she could have very easily detached herself from this whole situation and left. She didn't.

She stepped up and helped me console my son.

She held my daughter while I helped the boy say good-bye to his dog.

She consoled him while I loaded the pup's things into the foster mom's car.

She "held my hand" throughout the entire process.

She could have very easily gone home. She could have sat on the couch and watched TV. She could have ignored all of the goings on.

She didn't.

It is constantly and consistently amazing to me that the people who surround me have stepped up to the plate to help me and support me in times of joy AND times of sorrow.

Things have been good for us and we have been very fortunate, lucky even, and we have been surrounded by people- friends and family- who share in our good times.

When things do go wrong and we struggle or are hurting we are reminded of how truly fortunate we are. The same people who were there during the wonderful times are with us in the times of trying. Sometimes, they are even more present.

I am so very fortunate. I realized that, again, last night.

I realized it yesterday when I received an email from a friend whom I haven't seen in years. She was reaching out and putting me in contact with another mom who knew the ins and outs of food allergies and asthma.

I realized when I got into Facebook and there was a message from another blogger whom I've never met but share a connection with. She just wanted to let me know that she really felt we were friends and that I was special. ( She is too!)

I realized it as I planned the last minute details of my girls' night away for this weekend. Three very good friends and I will get the chance to spend time away from everything but each other and enjoy an evening out and overnight laughing, talking and sharing.

How do you not consider yourself fortunate after all of these things?

I am surrounded by people at home and at work who are amazingly caring and I am so very blessed.

When I sit down to celebrate Thanksgiving next week these are the people and things that I will be thankful for. My family's health and happiness, these are things that I am thankful for. Our continued love and devotion to one another, these are things that I am grateful for.

I am very fortunate and I am blessed.

We all are.

I need to make sure that I remind myself of that and give back in honor of those blessings.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

As Quick As She Came, She Goes

We got a dog and as quickly as she came, she will be going.

Before you jump to every conclusion you can think of let me tell you a few things:
My husband and I discussed this quite a bit
We searched for just the right dog and made sure our kids met the dog first
We prepared ourselves for the work and time commitment necessary for having the dog
We readied our home and our hearts for the pup
And we got images in our heads of how this was going to go and hoped for the best.

We brought Tilly home on Monday night and tomorrow morning I will call her foster parents and let them know that this will not work.

It's not about the 5am walks.
It's not about the poop and pee (outside only).
It's not about the afternoons at the dog park.
It's not about any of that.

Our daughter is so terrified of the dog that she refuses to be in the same room with the animal.
But our son is so in love with the dog that he wants her to sleep in his bed with him.

Did we make a mistake getting a dog? No, I firmly believe we did not. I think the next few days, as we prepare to give Tilly back, will be hard but it is right thing to do.

Let me tell you something, though, Tilly is unbelievably smart and just a wonderful dog. Seriously.

I have struggled with this decision in certain respects. How do I disappoint one child when another one is so fearful that when I pick her up at school she greets me with, "Mommy, I don't want to keep the doggy"?

How do I leave one child alone with a new, unpredictable dog that is normally friendly and kind but could turn at any moment?

How do I leave one child upstairs to watch tv alone while I watch my other child with the new dog?

I don't.

My husband wants this work. My husband wants my daughter to love this dog and get used to her. My husband thinks we just need to keep giving it time.

My daughter cries when she sees the dog in the car when I pick them up at daycare.
My daughter requests to sit on the counter in the kitchen while I cook dinner because then the dog can't get her.
My daughter requires that I carry her around so that the dog can't come anywhere near her.

Each day- and granted it's only been two- has gotten worse.
Right now, my daughter is on my left side in the dining room because the dog is on the couch sleeping soundly. She will not even entertain the idea of going near the couch.

This has been hard because I wanted this, too. I wanted it to work out and for our family to have a wonderful friendly pet. I had the image in my head that my husband did and it's not showing up for us.

And as quickly as she came, she will go and it will be sad and hard. But it is for the best. My children- one or both- come first at all times.

I fully intend to accept all responsibility for having to give Tilly back. I will not have my son resent my daughter for her fears just as I would not allow my daughter to resent her brother for his desire to keep the dog.

I'd rather they both hate me and deal with that. It's much easier because I'm secure in the knowledge that I've done what is absolutely the best for my children and my family and the dog.

Bye Tilly, you were a wonderful pet for the two days we had you. Now you belong with a family that will ALL love you and care for you.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

A Whole New World

My initial urge, after phone calls were made and prescriptions dropped off and kids settled was to sit down and write about everything that went on yesterday afternoon.

I'm 24 hours into this now and I feel like I've gained a bit more perspective but not much. And now, maybe, I can write about it in a better way.

Yesterday I took my almost five year old son to see a specialist. He had to have his eczema re-evaluated and we needed to find a new course of treatment to try and help his skin and allergies. Plus, my husband was convinced that our son had Cystic Fibrosis and he wanted it explored.

He does not have CF- Thank GOD.

But the appointment that I had assumed would be simple and quick was far from either of those things.

I walked in expecting to get a new antihistamine and some new steroid creams. I left with 4 prescriptions, orders for bloodwork, and an appointment for a month from now for more tests.

And I walked out into a whole new world.

My son has severe tree nut allergies and an apple allergy, as well as moderate to severe asthma.

I have been trying to keep this in perspective.

My child does not have cancer.

My child is not dying.

My child is not suffering in pain.

But I cannot get away from the idea that if my child happens to eat something wrong he could die.

I cannot walk away from the pile of medications that is currently sitting on my dining room table.

I cannot throw away the allergy action plans that I've filled out for his school and my purse and my parents.

I'm 24 hours into this and I'm lost. I'm upset. I'm scared for my son.

My son is innocent to all of this and part of me is ok with that. The other part recognizes that I need to make him an active and responsible participant in his choices now.

I know that two weeks or a month from now this will all be routine. Supermarket trips will only take a little bit longer than they did last week instead of 4 times as long.

I know that I will have a list of foods and juices that he can eat freely and enjoy without worry.

I know that we will get into a groove with his medicine at night and the treatment for his skin.

I know all of this. But right now, I am having a hard time.

I worry about school, even though they have already placed a BRIGHT YELLOW sign with all of Nicholas' restrictions in his classroom.

I worry about eating out and what might have nuts or have been prepared on a machine that has traces of nuts.

I worry about him being different.

Could he outgrow this? Sure, but it doesn't appear likely.

Could it be that we never have to use his epi-pens? Of course, but I'm in the process of training everyone who will come into contact with him on how to use the pen.

Could I carry around his rescue inhaler forever and never have to give it to him? Yes, but I've still ordered all the necessary medical supplies needed to make sure he gets all the medicine he needs.

I'm 24 hours into this and our world has been flipped around and I worry for my little guy and how this is affecting him.

And I worry that a bite of a cupcake or an accidental sip of juice could turn our world upside down all over again.

And I'm trying to gain and keep my perspective because a few weeks from now this world won't be so new anymore. And hopefully not as scary.

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