Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Short, but Oh So Deliciously Sweet

This may not be my only post for the day or it may. I'm supposed to be grading papers. I'm supposed to be writing a paper for one of my grad school classes AND doing an assignment I missed when the boy was in the hospital- all due tonight. I'm supposed to be doing a lot of other things but I just HAD to share these with you.....
These are like CRACK! They are so FREAKING GOOD! Seriously. You all know I've been on and off of the weight loss wagon these past few months, well, K introduced me to these a few weeks ago and I have not been the same since. I'm trying to think myself hungry just to come up with an excuse to eat them they are that GOOD! I've tried the caramel drizzle ones, as well, and they are almost as good. Delicious but not in the same way!

Try them.

That is all.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Sunday in The Park

Sunday dawned early....we began our day around 6am because there was lots to do and get ready for. Luckily, in all of my wisdom, I had prepared the night before. I knew exactly what the girl was wearing and what I was planning on wearing. I had packed the diaper bag, cleaned the car, and packed the girl's breakfast and lunch. I even pre-filled her sippy cup so I wouldn't have to worry about it in the morning. I was set. I rolled out of bed and was ready to go. Sort of. We headed out, made a quick stop at grandma's house to borrow a few navigational tools and then we were really off!

Our first stop on our journey? Luna's house. It was a short drive from grandma's to Luna's. But it gave me just enough time to worry that Luna was not, in fact, Luna the incredibly smart, funny, quick witted and totally kind mommy I had come to know in the past few months. The ride gave me just enough time to think that maybe we were driving into an ambush. Maybe Luna was really Larry and he was going to kill my daughter and I. Maybe, just maybe, this was all a set up and I was in for the worst surprise of my life. Not the case at all.

The girl and I arrived at Luna's and she came out and she was exactly what I expected. She was cute and nice and totally at ease with everything about herself and the situation. (Unlike me who was still waiting for Larry to jump out of the bushes.) We loaded up the car with her stroller and then her adorably sweet, friendly and funny little girl, L. We were all set. We hopped on the road and headed towards our destination- The Park. We were headed to meet more mommies, more kiddos, more friends.

Conversation flowed easily for Luna and I. I was so happy to have those moments to get to know her even better. It was so nice to be past those initial "first date" feelings because we had come to know each other so well through our writing and conversations. Luna is exactly who she puts out there through her words, whether they are blogs or comments or ims or whatever. She is completely real. She is completely intelligent. She is kind and friendly and has a beautiful heart. She is fun, too. She is exactly the person I want planning my 30th surprise birthday party and the girls weekend away. She is the person I would turn to for honest advice as well as comfort. She is city savvy and completely down to earth. She is the woman we all want for our friend.

The trip continued and we were moments away from our final destination when poor little L started to cry. And it was weird. Even I knew it was weird. Everything had been fine up until that point. The girls were enjoying Dora on the DVD and the moms were enjoying each other's company. Then L began to cry and she wouldn't/couldn't tell us why. Then it happened. This poor little curly haired darling blew chunks. All over herself. I felt so terrible for her. What a feeling!?!? Everyone knows that puking is no fun and it's especially no fun for a little one in a strange car in a strange place surrounded by strange people. We made a slight detour on trip and the kindness of strangers came into play. Luna cleaned up L as best she could but unfortunately she was left without any pants. A decision had to be made. Did we continue to our playdate or did we go home? Luna offered to just take the train but I could never, ever put a mom and her car sick little one on a train and go about my day as if nothing had happened. We decided we would hit the play date, briefly, and then head home. No big deal. We'd still get to meet everyone and say hello, it would just be short.

Our journey continued. We made a slight detour into a part of town that was not originally on our itinerary for the day but quickly found where we were supposed to be. We also found a meter free spot and made our way into the park. We were late. We were walking fast, navigating streets with one difficult jogging stroller and another stroller whose wheels just did not want to cooperate. Finally, our destination.

From a ways back I saw this red jacket. It was bright. It was on a woman. It was tailored. I loved it. I pretty much figured it was OHMommy. Why? Because I could see it was on a woman who was put together and easy going and looking fabulous in the midst of chaos. It wasn't. It was her sister, Kash. We came closer and there were kids everywhere. We formed this circle and the hellos and introductions began. A hug from OHMommy. A hello from Kash. A smile from two gorgeously put together blond OHkids who clearly belonged in the pages of a magazine. Things were looking good. Everyone was super nice and pretty much at ease.

OHMommy was better than expected. I'm not a hugger. It's just not in my nature. I don't know why. It just isn't. I'm especially not a hugger with people I barely know. But the ease with which OHMommy approached me made me feel totally comfortable. She has this "power" to charm and calm all at the same time. She has this aura of class and fashion and love for her family that is overwhelming from the moment you meet her. And that fact that she was wearing a gorgeous white jacket with two children under the age of 10 was amazing to me! We, again, fell into conversation easily. She asked questions with her distinctive and lovable midwestern accent, seriously I love that accent. She talked of her husband at home and her flight in and what they had been doing since arriving. She just oozed warmth and class in a way that I'm not so sure I've seen before.

OHMommy is probably the type of mom that would have intimidated me at a normal playgroup. She's the mom that I would have been nervous to get to know. She is gorgeous. She is put together. She is calm. She is friendly. She is amazing with her children. And she is friendly from the moment you meet her. She is the woman I want to sit and drink coffee with all afternoon and then have wine with in the evening. She is woman I want to sit with on the beach and enjoy the sun and chatting and watching our kids play together. She is the type of person who smiles and you know she likes you and you can open up to her. She honest and understanding and warmth all wrapped into a fabulously classy package.

Last but not even close to least is ConverseMomma, CM. CM is the only mom that I haven't spoken to in "real time" but she is probably the mom I feel knows me the best and I know the best. Not sure why, exactly, but I feel like there's a connection. (Not that there isn't with the other moms but I don't know, there's just something.) CM was there with her two beautiful children, Bugs and Butterfly, and her husband Simon, I mean D. ;) CM understandably brought her husband with her to our play date. Two kids. Traveling. WAY TOO MUCH! I had convinced my husband to take the boy to work with him because I just could not fathom bringing him with me. It just would have been too crazy wielding that double stroller and all the necessities and trying to keep and eye on him and still have a nice time. But I CM brought D, who was incredible with Bugs. Seriously great dad and I really think that all of the husbands would get along famously.

CM and I said our hellos and introduced our daughters to one another. They are only a few short months apart and they giggled at each other. I believe they even shared some dirt together but I can't be positive. It was adorable. CM was what I expected, too. Completely down to earth. Completely friendly. Completely normal- no freak there! She had on her trademark cons and was beautifully comfortable looking with her curly hair (totally envious), and her fabulous highlights! She was the mom I'd meet at the park and have over for dinner and future play dates.

CM is the woman I would have met on the first day of college and been inseparable with. She is the woman who I know I could call who would understand when I needed to cry, when I needed to laugh and when I needed to just be. She is the woman I want sitting in my backyard or on my front stoop with me drinking beer or wine and enjoying the afternoon and evening. She is the woman who is incredibly compassionate and kind and friendly. She is the woman who I know is there. She is the woman who would have my back in a fight and hold my hand through the scary parts of life. She is the woman I know would understand my fears about my children and rejoice in the momentous occasions with me. She is incredibly funny with a fabulous sense of sarcasm and wit. She is outgoing and fun. She is the counterpart I wish lived closer.

Our meeting wasn't brief but it wasn't long. The kids ran around. The moms talked of blogging and how we found one another. We talked of future meetings. We talked of continuing to talk. We talked of our kids and things that we all knew about each other. We just enjoyed each other. And then we parted ways. Luna and I headed back to our fabulous parking spot that was so good, I almost didn't want to give it up. CM and D and Bugs and Butterfly headed back to the train and home for the afternoon. And OHMommy headed into the park a little deeper and then off to the airport. Our meeting was too brief for our liking. But it was perfect in every other way. I am incredibly lucky to have found this community of women who is fabulously friendly, classy, outgoing, funny and just wonderful. I am incredibly lucky to add such genuine and endearing women to my circle of friends and I can only hope they share that.

Stop by each of their blogs and see their impressions of the day and of each of us.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Changing Plans

Our plans have changed again.

Plans change. It happens. It annoys me a lot of the time but I'm learning to roll with it.

The husband texted me earlier today- almost at the same moment I was hitting publish post for my Friday post- to let me know that our friends would not be coming over tomorrow night. She's a nurse and unfortunately, she was on call this weekend and got called in for a double tonight and tomorrow. That sucks. I was pissed. BUT it was unavoidable. It's her job. They would have rather been with us. They would have rather been eating the first ribs of the season (YUM) and drinking some "honey bears" and just hanging out. But work called and it's important. We rescheduled. Maybe next weekend if the husband can switch his schedule. And if he can't, that's ok, too. I have an offer for some visitors to come and spend the Saturday evening with me and the kids and maybe even bring some fondue....we'll see.

My point? Plans change. It used to really upset me to get canceled on. It used to drive me nuts when plans did not go as I had laid out. It sometimes still makes me anxiety ridden when things go awry. BUT something has changed. I don't know what. I don't know why. I don't need to know because the change is good.

Tonight, I didn't have to worry about getting to the supermarket and getting food for tomorrow and next week. I went to the supermarket but I didn't go nuts. Tonight, I didn't have to sit down and plan out what my day was going to be like tomorrow so that I could get everything done and ready for our guests. Tonight, rather than worrying about everything that needed to get done I laid on the couch and watched a movie. I drank some wine. We took the kids out, briefly since the boy still has a fever, for some ice cream and we even played outside for awhile before dinner. It was relaxing. It was what I needed. It was perfect.

Tomorrow, I don't have to clean. I don't HAVE to vacuum. I don't HAVE to chop tomatoes for bruschetta or season and slow bake the ribs so that they are ready when people get here. I don't HAVE to do anything except get up with my children and enjoy the day. Tomorrow, I can stay in my pajamas all day or I can shower, dress myself and the kids and head out for the day. Tomorrow, we can have some heart shaped waffles for breakfast or we can head out to the diner for a mommy and me breakfast. Tomorrow, the kids can play outside while I grade papers and do schoolwork in the backyard or we can bake cookies and do laundry. We can do whatever we want. All because our plans changed.

Yeah, our friends canceled/postponed our evening. An evening I was really looking forward to. An evening I had been planning since we invited them over. But you know what? It's ok. Our weekend is still going to be fun and great. The husband is going to come home tomorrow night and we're going to be able to relax and have a nice dinner together. The house might get cleaned or at least vacuumed and the tomatoes might get chopped. There won't be any ribs but there will be delicious dinner to enjoy as a family.

And then Sunday will come. Sunday morning will dawn and the girl and I will head into the city. We'll pick up our friends and we'll head to Central Park. We'll play and the plan is to ride the carousel and see the zoo and the sea lions and make new friends and enjoy each others company. That's the plan. They are calling for rain. That's ok. The plans can change. Who knows they may end up being even better than the sea lions?!?


I have a bunch of different ideas going around in my head right now and I can't decide what to write about. Should I write about the argument/discussion that the husband and I have been having for the past few days about appreciation and time off and the accompanying issues? Should I write about discovering the plethora of CDs that I thought were stolen with my car back in college and have re-introduced me to music I forgot existed? Maybe I should write about my Sunday plans in the city with my daughter and some fabulous ladies and their children and the nerves that currently accompany that outing? Or should I write about the fact that this day has not been fun so far and I'm hoping it gets better?

I'm going with the last one because the others will wait.......

I woke up this morning and I was feeling good. I exercised last night, which meant I showered last night, which meant I could sleep in this morning. My hair was ridiculous because I let it dry while I slept but it was nothing that a ponytail holder, some water and my blow dryer on low couldn't fix! I couldn't decide what to wear because all of my favorite white tees had been worn- or so I thought! I found one that fit perfectly and I threw that on with one of my cardigan sweaters, aka my teacher's uniform. And I headed out the door ready to grab my non-fat vanilla cappuccino Friday treat and enjoy my day because ALL of my classes were testing, forgetting I had NO GAS in my car! D'OH!

Ok, so gas had to be gotten. $50 later and my car was still not full....almost, but not completely. And now? No cappuccino....running late. Then I got stuck behind someone in one of those PT Cruisers who decided to ignore the 45 mile an hour speed limit and drive 30 the entire way into work. I made it to work on time and headed for the teachers' room to fill up the caffeine tank. I make my coffee and go to put the lid on. Our "fabulous" food service decided to order us miniature cups for coffee and therefore the lids we have don't fit. I proceed to make my way to my mailbox and spill coffee all over the place only to be greeted by the fact that there are 5 teachers our today! FIVE! That's RIDICULOUS!!!! My free periods? Somewhat non-existent because I'm covering classes. Ok, really, in the grand scheme this isn't so bad but it's Friday and it's been a long week, cut me a break.

First period rolls around and the first test of the morning. My students get to study for a bit, it helps. Tests go out and there is silence. They are concentrating. It's nice. I watch them like a Hawk. I DETEST cheating. HATE IT! A student calls me over for a question. The student behind him proceeds to crumple a paper, not his test paper, DUH. I get my first cheat sheet of the day. Fabulous! Test finished. Class over. Next period. Another class. Another test. No cheaters in this one. Test finished. Class over. Next period. Coverage. Seniors. They've checked out. They just don't care. And they're rude. Joy of Joys. I love teaching. I love teaching. I love teaching. I just don't like kids......

In the midst of all of this? The text message rolls in. It's from the husband. I know it's not going to be good news. It's early. He's working. The boy is sick. Fever. Great! The husband has given permission for Tylenol. Ok, good. My mind starts to reel. The past few weeks have been full of coughing. Not terrible coughing, but good hearty coughing. Now the fever. Is this the return of pneumonia? Or did it never leave? Text message back to the husband. Can he please bring the boy to my work for 2:30. I cannot leave today. We don't have enough teachers. I'm giving a test. I can't afford it. I'll lose pay. He has comp time. He's busy. He'll see. Seething now. Text message to grandma canceling our evening plans. We had family coming in tonight from Florida. We haven't seen them in months. I was excited. The kids love them. I love seeing them. Canceled. The boy is sick. I have a feeling we're heading to the pediatrician. That's the next phone call once this coverage is over. Once my lunch begins. Once this day starts to look up.

On the positive of all of this, because I'm doing my best to see the positives, it's Friday. It's Spring. Tomorrow is Saturday. We're having friends over tomorrow and now, my problem of figuring out when I'll make my supermarket trip for tomorrow's food is solved. Tonight, I'll be home. Tonight, the husband will be home. Tonight, the kids will be home. We'll miss seeing our family but we'll be together and I'll get to go to the supermarket without two children hanging off me or out of the cart. Tonight, we'll be able to curl up on the couch and watch a movie or two. We'll be able to enjoy each other's company and talk about the week we've had and the Friday that started to go bad but ended up going nice.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

When Did This Happen?

This past weekend we purchased a small swing set/climber for the kids. The park is about 10 minutes from our house and the kids love it there but sometimes it is just too much of a pain in the ass to schlepp them over there. Plus, having this new "toy" in the backyard makes future play dates with friends and cousins a lot more fun and it also makes it a lot easier for us to have dinner outside and have the kids right there with us. There were a lot of bonuses and the thing was not expensive. Once we get the pool out, it will be a veritable happy land in our backyard!

So, these past few days the boy has been heading outside as soon as he gets home from school and playing on it. He comes in, briefly, for dinner and then right back out- unless we go for a walk. He seriously LOVES this thing and I am so happy we "splurged" and got it for them! We've been sitting outside with him and watching him but we've also been right inside with the screen door open watching him that way. When we sit and watch him from inside the house his inhibitions are gone and he is totally off in his own world.

The boy plays on his castle and creates this world of pirates and Dora and Diego. He imagines being on the ocean and sailing into the water while sliding down the slide. And as he plays he narrates everything. His mind going a mile a minute. He is fascinating to watch and listen to. And it makes me a little sad, but good sad.

Where did my little baby go? When did he get so big? When did he start using his imagination and making up stories? When did he become a little boy and stop being a baby and when does it all stop? I used to dream of the days when he would tell me he loved me, he does. I used to long for the days when he would be able to feed himself and handle his juice or milk on his own, he can. I would spend endless time thinking of the moments when he would dress himself and get ready all on his own, we're just about there. I wished my days away. I was there for all of that. I was there the first time he said "I Love you" back. I was there the first time he asked for a hug and a kiss. I was there the first time he opened his own juice box and proceeded to down it in seconds flat. I was there for all of those moments and they were wonderful but why did they go by so quickly?

Up until this point in the boy's life I haven't been able to remember the moments in my childhood that correspond to the one's he was experiencing. I don't remember being 1 or 2 and the milestones that accompanied those years. But, now, the boy is starting to use his imagination. He's starting to dream and create stories. He's creating worlds beyond this one and they are fabulous and exciting for him and for me. I remember those days of my childhood. I remember playing outside, by myself, for hours on end. I remember conspiring with my friends to create marvelous fantasy worlds where we played for days and days. I'm starting to get to the point where the things that the boy is doing are things I remember doing and it's incredible to me.

I can't believe we've come this far. I can't believe he's 3. I can't believe he's beginning to be able to read- he read the word ICE at the gas station tonight. I can't believe that the scrawny little monkey that entered our lives 3 short but long years ago is now a little boy who is growing up faster than I keep up with. It's so exciting to watch. It's wonderful to experience and live through. I am honored that he is my son and he's sharing all of this with me. It's melts me every time he says "I love you, too". It brings tears to my eyes when he tells me I did something really good because it means that he is hearing he does things "really good" a lot. It means we are doing things right. I adore when he showers his little sister wit hugs and kisses and begs to play with her. I just love all of this but I am afraid of how fast it is all going. I worry that I'm going to roll over one morning and it will be 25 years later and his first baby will be running into our bedroom to say good morning to grandma and grandpa. Again, I'm trying not to wish the moments away. I just sit and watch him and use my imagination, while he uses his.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Moments to Come

So, we're going to this benefit on Thursday night. I feel like such a socialite when I say that. You know, like one of the Real Housewives of NYC. (Love that show! Crappy reality TV AT. ITS. BEST!) So, yeah a benefit. I'm excited. It should be a good time. I'm still trying to decide on a dress...I have this black one that I wear, well, to every formal event I go to. Which is not many. And I just bought a new dress. A Vera Wang. On Ebay. Tags on it and everything. It was cheap. I'm excited to see how it looks. We'll see. But I just made an appointment to have my hair done. I figured, I saved a TON of money by buying off Ebay- seriously, the dress was less than $60 bucks- instead of off the rack (not that I would have bought Vera Wang had it not been on ebay) so I can afford to get my hair "did" for the evening.

ANYWAY, I made this appointment and the very nice woman at the salon informed me that I should bring any accessories I may want in my hair with me. Ok. No problem. No accessories needed. I want something simple and classy. Not 1996 junior prom, giant curls on top of your head and annoying ringlets at the side of your face that go limp before you even get to the dance. Just a very simple up do that I can't do on my own. Appointment made. Excitement building.

I hung up the phone and started thinking about accessories. Not because I was planning on using any- in case I didn't make it clear, I'm not. But because I have this pearl comb in my jewelery box at home that is probably the only accessory I have EVER worn in my hair that was really completely decorative and pretty much non-functional. I wore it on my wedding day.

When I found my wedding dress, I was surrounded my mother, my godmother and most of my bridesmaids (I had 10). We all knew it was the dress when I put it on. I still get goosebumps thinking about that day and about the dress. God, I love my wedding dress. Seriously. I also knew that I wanted a looooooooong veil. I had a cathedral length veil, no blusher. I didn't want anything hiding my face. Finally, I knew I did NOT want a tiara. It just didn't work for me. I had no idea what I wanted up there making the top of my head look pretty but it wasn't going to be a tiara. They make my head look stupid.

I searched and searched and searched for an accessory to wear on my head that was elegant and beautiful and befitting of the rest of my ensemble. I found it online and my godmother purchased it for me- a gorgeous pearl comb. I loved it. I still do. It sits in my jewelery box, only ever having been worn on my wedding day. I really don't know where my garter is. My dress and veil are boxed up and preserved. My shoes from the day sit in my closet, probably never to be worn again. I do still have the underwear I wore that day. (Weird, I know, but they were my something blue) My point is everything else has kind of been put away for one reason or another. My comb sits there as a daily reminder, each time I go into my jewelery box for a necklace or bracelet or ring, of that day.

My comb popped into my head after I made my appointment and the vision that came to mind was my daughter. I don't know that she will be my only daughter. I don't know that she will definitely get married and have a big dress and a big day. I don't know that she will even want it, but I had this vision of handing her my comb. (Unfortunately, in that vision we were still in the house we're in now but I think that's a technicality!) I could not see her face, because I don't know how absolutely stunningly gorgeous she'll be when it's time to share the comb with her. I could see her and I standing in front of the jewelery box her father gave me one of our first Christmases together. I could see her red hair and her creamy complexion. And I could see the comb and the feelings that I had, for an event that is not even close to occurring and may never occur, were incredible. I am excited for that. I am excited to pass along that pearl comb to her and to any other daughters I may have. The idea that my daughter could one share in something so special with me is unbelievable to me.

I have learned to not wish away these days and months and years because they go by so quickly. Before we know it our children will be handing us grandchildren (hopefully) and it will have all gone by so quickly. These days are precious. They are priceless. They are magical. But there is so much magic in the moments to come that sometimes I cannot help but hope for them and dream of them.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Positive Living

So, I came home on Wednesday night after dropping the kids at my parents for the evening and I was just beat to shit. I was still recovering from the flu and I had been going to physical therapy constantly and it was just wearing me out. Plus, work has been crazy because of the end of the quarter and my kids thinking that next week is June so they don't actually have to behave or do work. I was relaxing on the couch watching some TV when the promo for the Diane Sawyer interview of Dr. Randy Pausch came on.

I don't know if you know about Randy. I first heard about him a few months ago when I was introduced, via email, to his "Last Lecture". I only saw bits and pieces of it but I read a lot about him and I had been reading the transcript of his lecture online.

Randy is dying of pancreatic cancer.

Randy is living while dying and it is absolutely incredible to watch and learn about.

I programmed the TiVo to record the interview just in case I fell asleep. I did not. I stayed up and watched every moment and when it was done, I threw away my giant pile of tissues and headed to bed. Something had changed in me. I needed to share what I had just seen about Randy with my students. I needed them to see what he had to say.

I went into work the next morning and prepared my classroom and cued this up for the day:

I decided my students needed to think about their dreams. I decided they needed a break from learning Church History and I needed a break from teaching it.

There was something about this man and his message. The night before I had been moved to a constant stream of tears listening to him talk about living while dying and his family and friends. I listened to him talk about positive living and accepting the cards we're dealt but dealing with them in a way that is positive and life affirming. I listened to him talk about abandoning anger and hurt in your life because it does no good. It's about being positive. It's about living. It's about giving people a chance. I decided my students needed to hear his message even if they didn't understand. I made my decision and I had the best night's sleep that I had had in a really long time. And I've been sleeping pretty well since.

The past two days my classes have been watching Randy's lecture. I have watched it more than a dozen times, now, and I learn something different or pick up something new each time. The reactions from my kids have been different. Some of the kids are glued to the lecture. They are fascinated by what he has to say. They are riveted by this man who looks so incredibly healthy yet has only months, possibly weeks to live. And I am, too.

I have a lot more that I'd like to write about Randy's lecture and the things that I've come to realize and think about because of it but I'd like to you learn a little bit more about him (if you want, of course!!). Even if you just watch an excerpt from YouTube (There are quite a bunch of different clips) I think you will begin to see what I am talking about.

I can tell you one thing, the power of positive thinking is incredible. Seriously. Positive thinking brings positive results. And vice versa. I headed to Hot Doc, aka my orthopedic surgeon, yesterday prepared to hear that I was getting another 6 to 12 weeks of physical therapy. But it was a beautiful day out, I opened my car windows and sunroof, I blasted the music and I told myself that whatever Hot Doc told me I was going to accept and deal with. I could not change what was wrong with my shoulder, I could only accept and deal with it. I was in a good mood, feeling really upbeat. Hot Doc informed me that my shoulder is better than before the surgery but will never be 100% (I knew that from the beginning). Hot Doc told me that I will always have a "trick shoulder". Hot Doc told me I will always have pain. I have been fixed as much as possible for right now. Then Hot Doc told me what I've been waiting to hear, I am done with treatment. No more Hot Doc appointments unless I get worse. No more physical therapy. I am done. Am I completely healed? Nope, never will be. I knew that would be the outcome. Am I out of pain? Nope, never will be. Am I just as I was before? Nope, never will be. Am I ok with all of that? Actually, yeah. I've accepted it. I'm done with treatment. I can move on to the next part of all of this. I have been waiting for being able to move into the next part of this accident "saga". I got exactly what I wanted yesterday and while it doesn't seem like positive things, it is.

I knew since treatment began that I was never going to be 100% again and yesterday I accepted it completely and I am now getting to move on. Positives all around.

I encourage you to try it. It's hard to be positive all the time and I don't know that it's completely possible. Randy says at the end of his lecture that his words aren't about dreams and going after them but about how to live our lives in such a way that our dreams come to us. If we live good lives the dreams will come to us and the good and the positive will come to us. In the moments that I've spent reading about him and listening to him I am seeing my perspective change. I am seeing myself change.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Troublemaker

Allow me to introduce my daughter. Isn't she cute? Doesn't she just look like the sweetest thing ever? I just want to scoop her up sometimes and snuggle her and shower her with kisses and tickles. She's incredible. We love her. We'll keep her.

Let me tell you about my daughter. She is, for the most part, quite sweet and innocent. Then there is the other part of her.

This is a child, who from the very moment of conception, has been a troublemaker. Trouble we love her for. Trouble we cherish her for. Trouble we would never change for the world!

This is a child who, within two weeks of being alive, was having ultrasounds done to make sure she was digesting correctly. Turns out she had reflux and liked to eat a lot.

This is a child who took 50 ounces of formula a day for months!

This is a child who has been eating solids since 2.5 months because it was just too much formula to be giving her and juice would not satisfy her hunger.

This is a child who enjoys Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, Spanish food and essentially any food that is made for humans.

This is a child who, two weeks ago, feasted on a tube of diaper rash cream and lived to tell about it.

This is a child who walks with such confidence after a short amount of time that I'm pretty sure she'll start running within moments.

This is a child who knows how to skillfully play catch and hide and seek.

This is a child who, this weekend, untied a garbage bag, reached inside, pulled out a paint roller and decided to test out the flavor of green moss paint....and lived to tell about it.

This is a child who is so in love with her father that she goes to him above all others and lights up whenever he is in her presence.

This is a child who routinely beats up on her older, bigger brother because she adores him and loves being with him.

This a child who is incredibly cute and loving.

This is a child who was a complete surprise and who has come to fit into our lives so perfectly that we cannot imagine a time before her.

This is a child who takes after her mother and gives me visions of first Communions in handmade eyelet dresses in the street playing hockey.

This is a child who will forever be active and playful and loving because it is clearly in her spirit and how she was born.

This is a child who has an incredible sense of who she is already and I am so excited to see how she grows into it.

This is my troublemaker. She looks sweet and innocent and perfect and she is.

I just thought I'd share her with you!

Monday, April 7, 2008

I Need a Weekend... recover from my weekend.

We had a really nice weekend. It was relaxing and fun and spent with friends and family but by Sunday night I was spent, as were my children and my husband. The result? The stomach flu reared it's ugly, puking, head once again.

It started with the girl. I felt so bad for her. She vomited up the feast that she enjoyed earlier in the evening when we went out to dinner. Then proceeded to try and expel every other bodily fluid from her body via her mouth. The poor kid! She's never really puked before. She's spit up and a few times in the beginning of her life we thought she had a pyloric disorder, but those have been the extents of her vomiting experience. She proceeded to yack from 2am on.

The husband then got in on the act. No yacking until early this morning but definitely flu-like tendencies and pains. He moaned and writhed in our bed as I slept on the air mattress with my puke factory and the boy, who was working on hacking up his lung.

Finally, we got the girl back asleep in her crib around 5:30am, I called out of work, unhappily, and climbed into bed with the slowly expiring husband. And then it hit me. The churning. The cramping. The pain. YUCK.

The husband went into work for a few hours to get some paperwork done but was home by 10:30 when the party was really getting started. He took the kids downstairs and left me in bed to sleep and writhe. And I did. I got up once to go downstairs to see how everything was but the couch was too uncomfortable so back to bed it was. I christened our new garbage can and then went back to sleep. Until 7:30pm when I finally rolled my a$$ out of bed and downstairs. That is where I currently lay. On the comfy part of the couch recounting the day's events and thinking about the fun we had this weekend. Even without the flu, I need a weekend to recover from the weekend.

We enjoyed beginning the Tudors Series on DVD. Highly recommend this to anyone looking for a good story! We've only seen two episodes and so far we really like it. Jonathan Rhys Myers- H-O-T, even though he is boffing everyone except his wife!

We also watched "Alvin and the Chipmunks". The kids and the husband loved it. It was a nice break in our Saturday. Some family time spent in front of the TV- quality. ;)

Saturday night we enjoyed quite the Mexican fiesta with friends of ours- two of which got engaged yesterday! YAY! We're very excited for them! And it was nice to spend the entire evening talking and enjoying each other's company. We definitely need a repeat.

Sunday we celebrated my parents 35th wedding anniversary. 35 years! Incredible. We went out for Spanish food- delicious. Not always the most fun with a 3 year old and 1 year old preparing for puke-a-palooza later on in the evening. But nonetheless a nice night.

We had a fun filled busy weekend and I am so glad we did. We are blessed to live the life we live and while it's hard sometimes and stressful and puke-filled, it's all worth it. I'll take weekends like this over and over again if someone could just negotiate making Monday and Tuesday non-working days!

Friday, April 4, 2008

Friday Fun With Randoms

It's Friday, I love me some Friday!

I've been reading about a lot of people who are just backing away from blogging for many different reasons. I understand. I feel as if it has been a struggle lately to write. To even sit down and do anything other than work or school work. I have ideas and they bounce around in my head but then I forget them. They must not be that important.

If I can think of something to write, I will, otherwise, oh well...


The boy is better. Thank God!

I really can't stand puke. I can't stand the smell or the thought or anything. Now, because that first power puke came out all over the carpet, my carpet smells. I've been vacuuming every day to get the smell out and using that carpet fresh stuff that you sprinkle. Hopefully, that will work.


I feel like I'm funnier in real life than on here and it disappoints me. I had a conversation with someone, who also has young children, and I made that frat house reference and they thought it was hysterical. Maybe it was just that person. Maybe I need to be in conversation to be funny. I mean, I think that people think I'm funny. Who knows? I just feel somewhat disappointed in myself on this one....I'm funny dammit!


Has anyone else noticed the influx of maternity-like shirts?!?!? I went to Kohl's the other day to get some pants- I had a credit, woo hoo!- and just about every single shirt out there looked like a freaking maternity top! Now, I enjoyed the flowing tent like style of maternity tops when I was pregnant, but honestly, now, I don't need it. I don't need people thinking I'm with child when I'm not. And the tops are cute but I know that I'll look pregnant and it's just not what I want. Could we make something slightly less 9 months along?


My daughter is walking. On her own. I think it's the most fabulous thing ever! She was cruising and then taking a few steps on her own but now she's walking. She'll stand up from the middle of the floor and just walk around! She looks adorable doing it because she holds her hands up to keep her balance and just toddles....adorable! I can't believe she's seems like just yesterday she was teeny tiny in my arms....God, I feel old.


Did anyone else see New Kids on the Block has reunited!??! I LOVED them! Jon was my favorite because well, everyone else were losers! First, Kathie Lee Gifford back on TV and now NKOTB back together?!?! It's a sure sign of the apocalypse.


And the pregnant man!??! Check it out....Oprah had him on yesterday....he was a she and now he's having a baby.
Ok, my brain is oatmeal....I actually can't think of or remember anything else I wanted to say and again, disappointed!
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend and it isn't raining where you are!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Worst Frat House EVAH!

My inspiration for this post? Besides the events that I will share with you, this quote:

"Having children is like living in a Frat house -- nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up."
Ray Romano

Allow me to make something perfectly clear before I continue, I never lived in a frat house, ever. I did grace the inside of many frat house on Drexel's Fraternity Row and even a few at Penn but I never, ever lived inside of one. I had friends who did. I've seen movies. I know enough to understand what it might be like to live inside of a frat house. And I believe that I am fairly close to living in one. The worst one EVER!

The boy has been sick. Tuesday night we were sitting around doing nothing. The husband was doing schoolwork, I was watching TV, we had eaten our dinner- the boy wanted nothing to do with it and he was laying on the couch with me. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, the vomit starts flowing. Like water, I tell you. One minute he's playing nicely and enjoying himself, the next he's standing in front of me power puking.

What's power puking you ask? Let me know those times when you are in the midst of a giant drinking fest. You know, college days, um, frat parties, bachelorette parties, Wednesday nights. So you're in the midst of drinking and you've knocked back quite a few and all of a sudden it hits're going to blow. But it's ok. You know that it's ok because you need one or two good power pukes to get you over this hump and then you can go back to enjoying yourself and mingling. You head to the closest bathroom and do the deed and then head back to the party and grab yourself another cup of mysterious jungle juice and go on with the night, no one the wiser. Get it?

Well, Tuesday night my son had his first power puke, or so I thought. He literally stopped mid sentence, mid playing, mid everything, puked, cried and then asked for soemthing to eat. I was convinced that he was fine. He had eaten some bad cheese or drank some bad juice. One power puke and we were done. No. Such. Luck. My son has not mastered the art of the power puke. The puking progressed through the night until finally around 5 or 6 am, just after I had called out of work, he puked one last time- to make sure any and all bile was out of his stomach- and then passed out cold asleep in our bed. It was like all the nights I fondly remember from college drinking nights.

The husband took the girl to daycare, there was no way I was letting her get near the puke fest and possibly catch it. She eats more than I do- I don't want to have to deal with that when it comes up. He went to work and the boy and I, well, we slept for a long time. He was exhausted from puking all night long. Tossing and turning. I was exhausted from jumping each time I heard him cough or start to gag and get ready blow. It was just like college. We slept until 11 or a bit later when finally the boy woke up and requested a juice box. I was fearful. I didn't want to put any type of substance into his body for fear that it would be expelled a short time later. But he was begging.

A juice box and some pretzels it was. And I waited and followed him with towels and rags to clean up any appearance of vomit. It never came. He didn't eat much. He laid around all day. He didn't play. He didn't even ask to watch anything on TV. Then around 4:30 or so he fell asleep on the couch. He did not wake up until 6am Thursday morning. It was INCREDIBLE!

So, yes, the worst frat house EVAH! No beer, no booze, no dance music or beer pong. Just puking, lots of crying, people passed out on couches and crap, aka toys, EVERYWHERE! You know what, though? As much as I enjoyed my time in the frat houses of Philadelphia, I enjoy my time in this frat house infinitely more! Minus the puke....always minus the puke!

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