Friday, April 27, 2012

Act Your Age

I have this tendency to act out of emotions more often than I care to think about.  I allow myself to get wrapped up in the moment and I act upon it. 

Sometimes the outcome is good.

More often than not the outcome is not good.

And it's not things that put people in danger or anything like that but rather instances where I have acted in a way that I thought was best only to realize that it was not.

I have jumped and reacted before actually thinking or allowing an idea to sink in and I ended up with my tail, rightfully so, between my legs.


When it came time to sign the paper stating my intention for my job next year I had to think long and hard about things.  Something occurred that caused me act almost instinctively and pushed me out my classroom door and down to the principal's office to quit on the spot. 

Thank God for buffer zones and the guy next door.

My desire to leave and quit was not wrong, nor has it gone away, but to do so in the moment of anger and hurt that I was feeling would have been wrong.  And Stupid.

I needed to assess my situation and determine the course of action that I felt was best for my situation.

I need to do that for all situations and I'm not very good at it. 

What's funny is that I'm not nearly this impulsive with less important things.  The things that don't boil down to emotion and acting upon them, I usually think about.

I'm not the type to go out and buy a new car or expensive item because it's something I NEED to have.  I'm not jumping on an airplane to fly anywhere and everywhere at a moment's notice because I want to or I can.  (I really can't, what with 4 kids and all)

Why, then, do I allow my emotions, in the more important situations, to make the decisions for me?  Where does my common sense and intelligence go in these situations?

I honestly don't know.

But I know that hindsight is 20/20 and, like Karma, it is often a bitch.  And one that I'd like to avoid.

So, here's to more thinking and less impulse.  Here's to more common sense and less reactionary sense.  Here's to trying to make the right, most logical and intelligent choice rather than the one motivated by emotions of the moment.

Here's to taking another step away from acting like an adolescent to acting your age.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Stealing Home

It's almost 2 o'clock in the morning right now and I am awake, in my bed, having just shut off the TV and turned off my Kindle/iPhone.  My husband is snoring peacefully next to me and I can hear my babies on the monitor next to my bed.

And my paranoia is at an all time high.

Earlier this evening, a co-worker who lives in the same town as my family and I do now, texted me to let me know that their home had been almost burglarized for a second time.  (Actually, the first time the thieves got in and took a bunch of stuff, this time they didn't get in.)  And when the cops showed up to investigate they mentioned that there had been two burglaries in my development today.

Now, our development is fairly large and we live on a pretty busy street and one that is routinely patrolled by cops but still, my spidey senses went up and I went into high alert.  Every window needed to be locked.  Doors needed to be bolted.  The key we once kept outside for family and friends who stopped by when we weren't home, now brought back inside.  And a hammer next to my side of the bed- only because my Louisville Slugger has not made its way to our new home yet.

And as I laid here after all of my technology was shut down (before I sprang up and decided to write this) all I could think about was, as long my family was safe I really didn't care what anyone took.

Well, that's not completely true.

The family part? Absolutely true.  The other part? Not so much.

The only other thing I would really care about would be my laptop and my phone.  And if you're my husband or my parents and you're reading this, it's not for the obvious reasons.  It is not because of my addiction to them.

It's because they hold the evidence of my memories, our memories as a family.

Would I be upset if someone came into my home and took my TVs and game systems and jewelery and clothes and anything else?  Yes, I've had the majority of my possessions stolen before and it's quite possibly one of the worst feelings ever.  But was I able to replace all of those things?  Yes.

Yes, there are things that have sentimental value but they only have that value because of the memories attached to them.  I will ALWAYS have the memories.  I can somehow find a way to replace the THINGS.

Not having my jewelery or TVs would be upsetting and hard to deal with, at first, but we have insurance and it's there for this type of thing.  We don't NEED things, we just have them.

Again, as long as my family was safe- it's all that matters.

But my phone and my laptop, why those things too?  They hold my photos.  They hold the tools I use to capture my memories.  Yes, I could replace them.  And, Yes, I should be backing them up to an external drive but I haven't yet.  So, right now they hold on to all of the photos and moments that have been important, that I've wanted to capture.

They hold first birthdays and weeks spent on the beach.  They hold ultrasounds that reveal two babies instead of one and they hold images of car seat challenges and first smiles.  They are technology and it's not their physical presence I worry about but the purpose that they serve.

So, I sit here awake in my bed and think about how much I'd love to climb into bed with my 5 year old and snuggle with her while I listen to the even breathing of her and her two sisters and I realize that all the things we've filled our house with mean nothing without the people, memories and moments attached to them.  I carry those with me all of the time and I always will.

Having our things here never made this a home, it has been the memories that have made it such.  And no thief can ever take that, nor do I think they'll try.

But, I really do think I'll feel a bit more "Homey" if I had my home run machine slugger next to my bed, as it always had been.

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