Rainy Days and Sundays...

I received an award from the Sports Mama over at You Don't Have to Like Me and it comes with strings and I promise I will post the award and the strings tomorrow and I will also pass it on! Thanks Sports Mama, you have a way with words that I really do enjoy and envy!

Today, though, I've been contemplating. I've been thinking. I've been a bit down. Not sure why exactly. We've had a pretty ok weekend. Friday, I was off from work because we were going to a wedding on Long Island and while I saw more boobs at this wedding than anything else, the food was good, my cousin- who was getting married-looked quite happy and it was a pretty good time. Saturday I got to sleep in until 11!! I know! I'm shocked, too! But after getting in around 3am, I needed the rest. I'm sure the husband did, too, but he wasn't drinking so I think he had pity on me. We also did some cleaning and I got some food shopping done. Overall, pretty productive and also somewhat relaxing! Today, I'm not sure what's up with today. I woke up ok. I could've slept a bit longer but I'm not exhausted. We got a bunch done around the house....crap was everywhere. It still it but now at least it's semi organized. We did a TON of laundry and the clothing that is in the kid's rooms actually fits them or will fit them in a short time! Even with all of that getting done, I'm still feeling off somehow.

Maybe I'm ready for Spring. Maybe I just need a break for a bit. Maybe it's something more, I really don't know. I was talking with my friend H today about this. We talked for awhile and she helped me talk a lot of it out but I'm not sure we came to any concrete solution- which I hate! I like having a plan.

Have you ever felt like if one thing in your life changed, then everything else would fall into place? That's how I'm feeling today. I just feel like I need this one piece to change and while things would not be perfect they would be different, I would be different, everything around me would be different. It's a big thing and it's not easy to change. But more and more I feel like it's needs to change, for all of our good. I don't know, maybe my hormones are out of whack. Maybe I'm more tired than I realize. Maybe I'm still hungover. (That one is a BIG maybe) Maybe I just need to step back and take a breath. I have to say that I'm a bit nervous about doing that. I'm too afraid to step out of the chaos because right now it feels like it's controlled. I'm too afraid to step away for fear that something else will happen- the other shoe will drop. I make it sound like things are so horrendous and they're not. It's just we're coming off so many weeks and months of shite that I don't know which way is up anymore. I need to take a breath but I don't think I have the time.

H did say one thing to me that always resonates with me regardless of where it comes from, I just need to have faith. Sometimes in the thick of things I don't want to hear that. Today, she was right. My faith is strong and it's there and I trust it and God. Maybe I'm waiting to hear from God that's it ok on her watch for me to take a breath. Who knows? I just still feel like if that one thing could change everything else would follow suit and because it's such a big thing I feel slightly powerless in how to change it.