Mail

I have this tendency to leave our mail in the mailbox for days at a time...not a great thing but I do it. I usually just forget. I just went out and got the mail from roughly the past 6 days and amongst the bills and catalogs were two cards from a good friend of mine. They had clearly arrived earlier in the week, meant to come to me on two different days but with my mail ignoring I got them today. They were just two cards letting me know that she was thinking of me and missing me thanking me for being a friend. She's getting married next week and, as any bride can attest to, these past few weeks have been quite stressful and I've tried my best to do whatever she's needed whether it was to listen or help her do seating charts via text messaging!

Little does she know that those two cards were exactly what I needed to see! She made my day, my week even...maybe even my two weeks! She gave me a good smile and even brought a tear to my eye. She may think I'm a great friend but she's an even better one and knows just when I need it!!

Found This...Must Share

I just found this wine this weekend at our local liquor store and I had to share it with all of you!
It's called Mommy's Time Out and that is seriously the only reason I purchased it. Well, that and the fact that it was like six bucks!
I haven't tasted it, I don't really care what it tastes like. Even if I open the bottle and have one sip and hate it, I'll empty the bottle and refill it with wine I like!
Just thought it was too funny to pass up...

Sleazy Saturdays Reaffirm My Hatred

As you are well aware, if you've been reading for awhile, I hate shopping for a car. Well, yesterday we spent the whole day doing what I hate most and it just reaffirmed my deep seeded hatred for it and the reasons behind it!

Pat starts his new job on the 23rd and is pretty excited about it but needs a new car, to replace to company car. We've spent the past two weeks or so scouring the internet for deals on cars. We had no real idea about what we actually wanted. It started off that we wanted to go back to our SUV days and get another Cherokee. I was a little excited about this because hindsight showed me how much I LOVED the Jeep. I was also a little cautious because gas is expensive and the Jeep is a guzzler. Then I was looking around online and happened to find a low mileage used Volvo and all I could think of was my dad's Volvo. I learned to drive in my dad's Volvo. The very first deer to ever hurl itself at me as I was driving did it while I was driving my dad's Volvo. The Volvo saw to it that I went to an excellent high school and great university. My dad drove that car until it had 235,000 miles on it and then sold it because he wanted a pick up truck. The car was still running, no problems! It was a great car...a TANK! It had the most temperamental tape player and an air conditioning system that we were convinced didn't work until one day I accidentally turned it on and lo and behold it blew out freezing wonderful air! That car took me down the shore after prom and drove all of my friends and I around any night we wanted. It was a great car! Even a few of my friends can attest to its greatness since they "stole" it one day during school and tried to hide it to freak me out. Luckily, I got violently ill and foiled their plans and they had to return it to its parking spot. So, yes I digressed- shocking, I know. I found the Volvo online and it became my mission to convince Pat of how wonderful the Volvo is even though his heart was CLEARLY set on another Jeep. I prevailed!

We set out yesterday down a major thoroughfare that we knew was littered with numerous car dealerships. Both kids in tow, Nicholas coming down off a MAJOR temper tantrum and a few attempts to make himself vomit, and Addison lounging quite nicely with a bottle. The day started off a little rough but not terrible. The first stop was fine- nothing major to report, we found nothing but encountered our first "Slick Willy". I think his name was Stan but I can't be sure. He left us alone for the most part. Everything was WAY out of our price range so we left. The next stop was a little bit better. We found something we really liked, and a sales person who was actually pretty nice. Slightly slimy, trying to make us feel like we were getting some great advantage because he printed something off the car dealership's website that he "wasn't supposed to". We left that dealership with every intention of going back if we didn't find anything else we liked- we didn't think we would. Five dealerships later, my patience was wearing thin- mainly with the sleazoids we were dealing with. Each time I shook a new hand I felt the need to contact a plastic surgeon for a hand transplant because each hand seemed to get a little grosser. The last hand was the one that sealed the hatred deal for me.

Nicholas was really tired at this point and Addison hadn't had more than 5 minutes of continuous rest all day and none of us had eaten anything concrete since early AM. So, as we pulled into the dealership I had a feeling this was not going to go well. The fact that the place was having a super sale and was covered in people and balloons did not help! We started out on to the lot to check out the used cars and within moments this lanky looking 16 year old kid approaches in a yellow shirt and bad tie. Uh-oh. It's always the same basic conversation..."Are you being helped?"
Us: "We're just looking, thanks." Moving away.
Them: "Well, what are you looking for? I'm Sleazy Sam, by the way. And your names are?" Extending his slimy hand for us to take.
Us: "Well, we just want to see what's on the lot, thanks though." Still moving away but feeling as if we are being sucked into the dirtiest force field ever!

It eventually does break down where we tell him exactly what we're looking for in terms of price and miles. And wouldn't you know?!?! The car we're standing right in front of meets all of our needs, except I hate it...so does Pat. So we move on to something else...not bad but what else is there. This was why we wanted to avoid starting off with a sleazy salesperson- just let us look around we'll come get you when we find something. So, Sleazy takes us to another part of the lot where he introduces us to the red headed stepchildren of the dealership. You know, those cars that aren't certified by the dealership but are perfectly fine in every way- they just don't belong the brand that the dealership specializes in. We find an SUV that we like and Sleazy immediately starts the ball rolling. Nicholas at this point is in full on crazed lunatic mode and we tell Sleazy, as he walks away with Pat's license, that a test drive is NOT possible today and that we just want to know the best number he can give us and we'll come back later. Does that happen? No. Does Sleazy ignore the fact that Nicholas is approaching Linda Blair, aka Exorcist, status? Yup. Does Sleazy overlook the fact that Addison is screaming bloody murder in the infant carried? Absolutely, anything to make a sale!

Sleazy takes us into the show room and offers us a hot dog or hamburger. Uh, no thanks. I see him darting around with license plates and keys and I'm done. I get up and I walk out, Addison hooked on to my arm. This is not happening today- I am not getting stuck buying a car from Sleazy Sam. I tell Pat to get his license back and get out. I offer to take Nicholas with me but Pat keeps him as part of his "insurance policy" to get him out of show room. I take Addison to the car where I feed her and eventually get her to sleep. Pat finally exits and puts Nicholas into his seat but soon realizes that Sleazy still has not returned his license! DAMN! Luckily, Sleazy is right behind us waiting with Pat's license and a business card. Pat tells him we'll be back when we don't have the kids or when they're better rested. Yeah, ok, we'll see about that. We FINALLY get away from Sleazy and out of the parking lot and what does my husband say to me?? "I really didn't like the design on the seats that much." ARE YOU SERIOUS?>!?!?!?

The day ended ok...we went to one more dealership, the one we had been searching for all day. And we're waiting to hear on the loan and the next steps for the car and hopefully by Wednesday we'll have a brand "new" car to tool around in. Keep your fingers crossed...Pat actually likes the seats on this one and the salesperson was far from sleazy!!

Friday's Feast

Appetizer
When was the last time you were surprised?

This past week I had a few surprises but the big one probably at my baby shower in January.

Soup
Fill in the blanks: My eyes are brown, but I wish they were green.

Salad
If you were a Beanie Baby, what would you look like and what would your name be?

I would look like my little friend below. But I would change my name from Awareness to Busty.

Main Course
Name two things you consistently do that you consider to be healthy habits.

Dessert
What brand of toothpaste are you using these days? Do you like it? Why or why not?

Love it! I use with my Listerine Pre Rinse and they work like a championship team!

Second Edition Thirteen Television Shows That I Love (Yes, I am well aware that I am OBSESSED with TV) 1. Grey's Anatomy 2. ER- mainly reruns 3. Scrubs (Are we sensing a doctor theme here?) 4. The Cosby Show 5. The Daily Show 6. Brothers and Sisters 7. Kate & Allie 8. Top Chef 9. OLD SCHOOL Saturday Night Live 10. Third Watch (No longer on, not even reruns but I love it!) 11. Dawson's Creek (It's a sickness, I know) 12. DOG the Bounty Hunter is tied with Wife, Mom, Bounty Hunter 13. Handy Manny (It's a Disney Show and I can't resist it!)


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Memories...Like the times I can't remember and those other times I'd like to forget...

First, let me say this, I followed a pickup try LOADED with bales of hay this morning and now my car is COVERED in hay! That is all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Isn't "funny" how places that we've been before bring us right back to when were there originally? I work in a high school that was a major competitor of my high school, still is. I played basketball during my high school career and as a freshman I blew out my knee pretty badly- on the court of the school where I now teach. I didn't realize it until last night but every time I step into the gym I am immediately brought back to the night that I was hurt. I can remember just about every single thing about that night/day from the time we got into the van at my school to the argument between my teammates and I about who would ride shotgun next to our CRAZY coach who drove so erratically that we were convinced we would die on our way to anywhere to the snow that started to fall as we were careening down winding mountain roads in the backwoods of NJ. Incidentally, I got the shotgun seat and yes, I did see my life flash before my eyes each time coach would open the driver's side door to spit his chew juice out because the window didn't work. Every single thing I remember. I could even tell you exactly where I was standing on the court when the injury happened and how they laid me down afterwards and what I said to the refs as they took care of me. I can tell you how I felt while it was all happening and the looks on the faces of my friends and teammates as they watched in "horror" as body parts were in places that they should not have been. The smell is even the same. It is absolutely incredible to me what the mind can remember and process and bring out when it is given the opportunity.

Each time I hear the song "Carolina on my mind" by James Taylor I think of a kid I went to grade school with because he was constantly singing it and we were probably the only two kids in our grade school who even knew who James Taylor was, thanks to our parents who are now- and always were- good friends. Whenever I hear a certain song by Destiny's Child I think of senior year of college when I lived in a townhouse with 3 friends and that's what would blare through my part of the house each morning as I showered. Anytime I am in Philadelphia or I see pictures of the Schuylkill River I am brought right back to 4:30am practices on the water and standing on the dock trying to figure out if I was hallucinating the words wrapping around the energy building in Center City. There are so many things that our minds bring us back to.

There are things that I would rather not remember but sometimes I do because of triggers but I do my best to associate these memories with good things rather than the sadness they might conjure up. It is sad when I think about the night I was in a bathroom stall and overheard something at our team Christmas party that I shouldn't have. But what I overheard ended up bringing me together with my best friend and beginning a friendship that would last through all sorts of things and lead to all new avenues and people. I hate thinking about the time just after my knee surgery when I felt completely helpless and like a cripple and when therapy took longer than anyone thought. Or the time after my daughter was born and depression set in. I don't like remembering those times, among others. But they have the power to show me my own power and strength. The bad times teach us and help us grow. They also make us into the people we are. Our actions and words define who we are seen as and who we become and we must remember that above all else. Our memories show us where we came from and who we came from- who we were and who we have become.

So, Barbara had it right "...misty watercolor memories of the way we were... can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line?" I try to remember things exactly as they happened or why remember them at all.

Thank God I Found This!

Oh goodness! I am so glad that I found this, what would have I done without reading it!?!? I'm going home right now to take out our Scrabble board and plan a night for us to butt heads and make sure he doesn't get too bored!

Does making sure I don't suffocate him in his sleep from too much snoring count as challenging him??

I'm off to find the article on 5 ways to keep your woman from killing you after you've suggested 5 ways to keep your man from straying! I'm sure it's on Yahoo! too!

Wal-Mart Wants

Well, it has arrived...the age of "I want, I need, Gimme". I tried to keep it at bay for as long as possible but last night reaffirmed what I thought was coming.

All day yesterday I kept putting off an impending trip to Wal-Mart. I needed to go and pick up some pictures that I had sent over from my digital camera but I really did not want to make the trip with both kids alone. It's not fun. The shopping carts are too small, there is too much going on and Nicholas goes NUTS! Inevitably we get there and Addison of course needs an extra bottle or decides to freak out or fill her ENTIRE diaper and pants! It's just not a fun experience- ever. Wal-Mart is an experience best done alone. I made the mistake of mentioning to Nicholas that we needed to make the trip and that's all I heard about for the rest of the day.
"We go to Wal-Mart?"
"Not right now, Nicholas. Maybe later."
45 minutes later, "We go to Wal-Mart?"
"Nicholas, not right now. It's time for a nap."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WE GO TO WAL-MART!"
If only this kid knew what it was really like!
Another 45 minutes later from Nicholas' room, "Moooooooommmmmmmyyyyy, Wal-Mart, PLEASE!!"
"Get in bed Nicholas or we're not going anywhere today!"
Silence...momentarily. Nicholas didn't sleep yesterday...no nap..barely slept last night and I'm fairly certain it was all related to Wal-Mart. I finally took him out of his room around 4 or so after trying to get him to rest for about an hour and do you know what the first thing he said to me was? "We go to the mall?" WHAT?!? How did we upgrade from Wal-Mart to the mall?!?! "No, Nicholas, no mall. MAYBE we'll go to Wal-Mart when Daddy gets home."
"When's daddy coming home?"
Oh, good Lord this could go on forever!

So, Pat came home from work and we ate our dinner and headed out the door. It was a double duty type of evening. We had to hit Blockbuster AND Wal-Mart. I know it's overly exciting how we spend our weeknights accompanied by our 2.5 year old and 6.5 month old! I had told Nicholas that if he was good and he listened he could maybe get a small toy or dvd at Wal-Mart. MY MISTAKE! I readily admit that!! As soon as we got in the store, "I get a toy? I get a DVD?"
"We'll see Nicholas. Let's get the other things we need, too."
I picked up my pictures and some diapers and wipes and then we meandered into the toy section. Add that on to our list of mistakes. Who knows? Maybe if we had avoided the toy aisles completely we wouldn't have what next ensued.

We began in the large toy area- bikes, powerwheels, wagons, etc. No interest...yes! Next came clearance...please let him find something here...something cheap and good and we're done! Yes...Thomas the train, and it's only $8.00. Then my husband points out, wait is it so cheap because it's covered in lead? Good call honey! No Thomas! Moving on....Dora toys...Diego toys...maybe...maybe...maybe...NOPE! Oh great, another entire aisle of Thomas! CRAP! This is the real stuff...the stuff that's expensive. This is where it all goes down. The child, Nicholas that is, begins to remove items from the shelves and all that can be heard is "oohh I want this! oohh this makes music, I want this! Ohhhh I WANT THIS ONE!!" And it continued on that way for at least 15 minutes! Thomas is expensive and I'm not comfortable with paying a lot of money for possibly lead laced toys! Let's try the next aisle! BOOKS! YES! BEST AISLE EVER! Nicholas wanders right through and back to Thomas...CRAP! "Mommmy, I want this one, it plays music!" I witness my child sitting on the floor of Wal-Mart playing with a Thomas the Tank Engine Laptop and LOVING it! CRAP, again! It's $30.00...a lot more than I wanted to spend on a little toy!
"Not tonight Nicholas. What about this great Thomas book? It makes noise!"
"No, This!"
It gets louder from here....it finishes with me putting the laptop back on the shelf and re-introducing Nicholas to the book aisle, again. Luckily, he spots a Diego painting book that he is just DYING for! We grab it and for only $4.97! YES! SUCCESS!

It has arrived and I'm not looking forward to Christmas. My son knows what he wants and he knows toys and I'm not excited about it! I think it's great that he has grown and changed and he's becoming a "real boy". But the toys and the Wal-Mart trips may have to dwindle slightly because the Wal-Mart experience is best done alone!

Inbox Happiness

This was in my inbox this morning when I opened it. What a nice way to start the day!

I passed it along to my friends, copy and paste and pass it along to yours, too!!

THE GIRLS IN MY CIRCLE

I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
Another, 'Let's fight together,'
Another, 'Let's walk away together.'

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair
pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself
Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
But for many, it's wrapped up in several..
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
A couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.

Remember... A friend is one who walks in when
The rest of the world walks out

Georgia Rule

I'm pretty sure the reviews were bad on this movie but I just finished watching it and I really enjoyed it. I found the message about forgiveness extremely poignant. It will always amaze me how things happen or are done for a reason!
I can't stand Lindsay Lohan...as an actress and as a celebrity....but she was pretty good in this. I think the role hit somewhat close to home, at least from the gossip mags, and maybe that helped her performance.
At any rate, I recommend "Georgia Rule". It's nothing heavy, oddly enough it did not make me cry- and everything has been making me cry lately- it's just a good night in movie.

"Forgive and Move on, Georgia Rule."

Singing in the Shower

I'm off today, thank God and Christopher Columbus! I really needed a break...I know it's only like a month and a half into the school year but I think all of us needed a break! I needed it to be Monday morning and not have to get up at 5. I loved the fact that my husband woke me up at 6:30am to tell me I was running late and I could say, "I don't have work today". GREAT FEELING!

Days off are usually my opportunity to catch up on things. I got a lot of cleaning done and baking and general organizing, which is always a good thing. Everything is still completely disorganized but I feel a little bit better! I also take my days off as chances to take a longer shower. My showers are normally 5 to 8 minutes MAX! I wake up jump in the shower, wash my hair, brush my teeth- yes I brush my teeth in the shower, wash myself, rinse and jump out. VERY QUICK! No time to dilly dally in the morning. On days off, though, I can do all of those things that I don't have time to do during the week or when I'm working. I can the time to deep condition my hair, shave my legs, use that apple sugar body scrub that reminds me of fall, you know, the things that make me feel good and relaxed.

Today was no different. My intention was to take a lovely long shower and get all of those things done and relax for a few extra moments. I waited until after 1pm. Nicholas had been fed lunch, Addison had napped for the morning and had finished her bottle and half a container of food- it seemed like a good time. I put Nicholas in his bed with the hopes of him napping. Normally, I would put Addison in her crib but she had been in it for 2.5 hours earlier today and I felt bad so I put her in her bouncy and put the bouncy in the bathroom with me. I got in the shower and wouldn't you know the moment the razor hit my leg she began to scream. "Oh shit!" Was the first thing to go through my head. Then I peeked my head out and she calmed for a minute or two. Not long enough, obviously. What could I use, short of jumping out of the shower soaking wet, one leg 1/4 of the way shaven, to calm her and get her to stay in the bouncy happily? Then I started to sing and almost immediately she stopped. I started off with the song "Sing" from Sesame Street and she was silent. Then I tried "Twinkle, Twinkle" back to whining and crying. Ok, how about the "A,B,Cs"? Nope, more crying. Back to "Sing" it was. I must have sung that song about 25 times but I really did not care because I was able to "accomplish" all of my shower tasks that I wanted to and I didn't have to rush and she was perfectly content to sit and listen to me sing! I considered jumping out and bringing her in the shower with me at the end for a quick impromptu bath but then decided against it for the sheer fact that I was afraid something might happen- slipping, dropping, etc.- and Pat wasn't home to help me!

So my day off has been relatively nice although Nicholas never slept and he ended up EXPLODING in his diaper which resulted in an impromptu shower for him, but that's ok because it's quick and easy- no shaving his legs or apple sugar scrub!

Manic Monday


I'm having issues with the link and the logo for Manic Monday so hopefully if you click on the above words they should bring you to the Manic Monday homepage. The homepage will explain exactly what Manic Monday is. Essentially, it's a cue word that you use to blog on.
This Week's Theme: Track(s)

My immediate thought upon "hearing" tracks is the deer tracks we used to see all the time in my backyard and around my house when I was growing up. (I also think of the race track, Meadowlands to be specific, but that's not nearly as interesing! :) )
We moved to NJ from NYC and it was like moving to the most rural country you could think of- to me at least. All of a sudden animals were not in cages, they were in my backyard. I would get up for school in the morning and there would be these footprints, aka Tracks, along the front walkway of our house. They were unique. Not cat tracks or dogs or squirrels. But raccoons and deer Tracks.
I guess the fact that I knew the deer were RIGHT THERE is what brought me to my fear of deer and deer Tracks. If the Tracks were there then that meant the deer were right there, too!
I ended up having a horrible nightmare where a deer was given these person like qualities. He was dressed in typical hunter gear, overalls, red and black checked shirt, hunting cap, and he was coming after me to eat my hands. Hey, as a 6 year old that's pretty scary! Even now, I can picture exactly what my dream and my brain had created and it still makes me nervous. I really can't stand deer!
I'm still deathly afraid of deer. I won't get out of my car if there is one on the lawn and if I see one in the distance, I book it from my car to my front door. They frighten me even when I'm in my car driving. I think that's because I've now had two run smack dab into the side of my car and cause a large amount of damage. I think I will always be afraid of deer. The Tracks are persistent reminders, to me, that the deer are always around me and I know we pushed them out of their habitat, yadda yadda yadda, but I'm still afraid of them and I don't want them around me.

Avoidance

I am doing everything in my power right now to find a way to avoid doing my schoolwork for tonight! I have to watch one of the videos I made during residency and critique it and I just don't feel like doing it! Let's see what I can come up with to distract me and you...

-Why is it that people ignore crosswalks??
I live in NJ and the law is that if you hit someone in a crosswalk, it's your fault. In other words, you have to yield to pedestrians in crosswalks. I'm taking on the new idea that I DON'T have to yield to those momos who choose to step into oncoming traffic and cross in the middle of the block because walking the 10 feet to the crosswalk is just too much!

-Why is it that when people get in their cars they think it's ok to pick their nose and dig for the deepest booger they can find?
Seriously, trying driving route 80 on a Sunday afternoon or 287 and see what you see! IT'S GROSS!

-Is it Extreme Makeover: Home Edition's goal to make every viewer weep uncontrollably?
Don't get me wrong, the people on the show deserve the houses they get and the episode on right now is heartbreaking! Little girl with cancer, going through chemo....horrible! Should never ever happen! But COME ON! I should buy stock in Kleenex between Extreme Makeover and re runs of ER where Mark Greene dies!!

-I've been tagged so I'm going to use that as my distraction now...I had to take a break and saw the tag!
Crazy Working Mom left an open tag and I'm answering it!

8 Things from this past week

1. I tasted blueberry wine and openly gagged in public for the first time since the last time I was pregnant.
2. I had dinner with a girl I was friends with in high school and she informed me that another girl we knew had been murdered in Philadelphia a few weeks ago- right where I used to row and play rugby during college.
3. For the first time since the show began I did not watch an entire episode of Grey's Anatomy on the original night it aired! (I know it's CRAZY!)
4. I realized this week that my children look almost NOTHING like me! (I think it's the hair)
5. I was completely thrown off my rocker when my students said that they believe God physically punishes people.
6. I went to see my gynecologist on Monday and was informed that it would be a good idea to get a cancer screening for three different types of cancer. (I had actually wanted it voluntarily for breast cancer and she actually was going to mention it to me anyway.)
7. My son showed me that he has a memory like a STEEL TRAP when he was able to sing along, word for word, with the songs from his Saturday morning music class!
8. My husband and I watched "Knocked Up" and it scared us into not having any more children any time soon! (Eventually, just not now!)

Ok, so I've tried to distract and procrastinate and in the process I actually got all of my school work done and also helped my husband do his work! Now I'm going to watch "Brothers and Sisters" because I really love Rob Lowe!

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET RID OF THE UNDERLINING!

Missing PPD Mom

Check out this link to another blog I read and take a good look at the picture....just in case!

Sharing the Journey: Missing PPD Mom

Tank Tops and Tattoos

So I've been struggling with a topic to blog about. I didn't want to be too serious because I've been serious a lot lately. And the kids haven't done anything overly "funny" as of late, although Nicholas has insisted on wearing his Halloween costume all over the house- only after I had to put it on and convince him that he really wanted to dress up in it ON HALLOWEEN. I have since hidden said costume, hopefully his smart little brain won't realize that it's in the hall closet! We've been pretty busy and crazed, which is good, but we do need to find a little downtime and hopefully this weekend will afford us that! We'll see...

OH, so blogging...coming up with a topic for today was tough for me. I'm working off of 3 hours of sleep last night and a total of maybe 8 or 10 over the past three nights. I've just been working and painting and doing school work until the wee hours and not getting enough of anything! My brain is on shutdown mode and I'm hoping I can keep it out of there until this evening- or at least until I leave work for the day. I decided that I would blog about therapy and try to keep it as light as possible but it won't be, I know that, and you'll just have to deal or not read. Whichever is more appealing for you!

My daughter was born on March 20th and 5 weeks later I was diagnosed with post partum depression. I knew I had it long before my doctor ever diagnosed me. It was HARD with two kids. It was HARD coming off of the pregnancy I had had. It was HARD giving birth to a preemie and wondering if she was going to be ok. The whole experience was really HARD- it still is. Lately, I've been feeling it more than I had been. Like anyone else who has experienced this disease, I have my ups and my downs and sometimes either of those can last for a long time or a short time- it's unpredictable. My doctor prescribed an anti-depressant and one of the lucky side effects was weight loss. I was PSYCHED! Weight loss AND depression relief...why hadn't I signed up for this earlier?!?!? The medication did nothing for me. Actually, it made me nervous to even take it because I was afraid of the side effects. I weaned myself off of it and in the meantime started seeing a therapist- Pepper. We'll call her Pepper because, well, it's her name! :)

So, Pepper has this BRIGHT RED/ORANGE hair and her practice is out of her home and it's quaint and it's comfortable and it was exactly what I was looking for. It was exactly what I wanted my practice to be like- well not exactly, mine will be a little bit more modern, but it was pretty close. I wish that there was a reference point to really accentuate what her hair was like. At first, she reminded me of what our images of witches are as children. That shock of red hair and a very angular face and kind of bony features all topped off with black cloaks and a pointy hat. She never wore a pointy hat, but she did like flowy clothing. From the moment I made the appointment to start seeing her I felt better. Kind of.

I was nervous about therapy. Me, the therapy student, was nervous about therapy. Was she going to find something from my childhood, as I laid on her couch, that pre disposed me to ppd? Was she going to suggest I go back on the meds or even worse put me on meds that made me fatter and made me lose libido? Or was she finally going to help me get the relief I needed? Was she going to help me see that my son was not suffering because we had had another child and I was exhausted and taking a little extra time to recover? Was she going to help me find a way to get off the couch and actually do something and not feel like the world was crashing down around me? Was she going to heal me? Nope. She was going to help me talk my way into healing myself. She was going to show me how to look at things with a different light that helped me understand that the person I am as a result of my illness and my pregnancy and my birth experience is an amazingly strong person who is allowed to falter. She did not allow me to give up, ever. But you know what? Neither did my mom or my dad or my husband. They were there in the same ways but I needed someone external from everything else to listen to everything and hear with an unbiased ear.

Pepper helped me a lot, or rather she helped me to help myself- the best thing a therapist can hope to do! How did she do it? She never changed who she was. Each week, I could count on Pepper to have her red hair and her tank tops and her tatts on her chest showing. That stability and reality really made me feel better- along with all the therapy, too! Am I cured? No. Am I scared that if and/or when we have another child- years down the road- I'll slip back into the ppd as bad as before? Absolutely. Do I see Pepper anymore? No, my insurance won't cover it any longer. I'm not happy about that. But she taught me how to help myself and I know now that if I need to I can turn to a therapist that can help me learn newer ways to help myself when the old ways stop working. And she did it all with her tank tops and her chest tattoos! Who knew a therapist could be like that?! I hope I'm that good someday!

Thirteen Things about Alison This week's Thursday Thirteen is all about movies! 13 of my favorite movies from now or Along the Way Please Sure to Share Yours, too! 1. Love Actually 2. Dirty Dancing 3. The Quiet Man 4. Up Close and Personal 5. Animal House 6. Caddyshack 7. Remember the Titans 8. Sixteen Candles 9. Garden State 10. Philadelphia 11. Goonies 12. Rocky 13. It's a Wonderful Life Links to other Thursday Thirteens! (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)


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Comic Depression or Comic Relief?

I read the comics just about every day. I read the rest of the paper, too, but I make it a point to read the comics. I enjoy them, occasionally they make me chuckle but more than anything they're just light reading with pictures. Something to give me a break from thinking and life- if only for a few minutes.

There are a few strips that I will skip over, such as "Momma", because I don't enjoy them and they actually annoy me to read them. Lately, the strip "Funky Winkerbean" has been at the forefront of my comic reading experience. I'm not sure how many of you read the comics and if you do, how many of you read Funky. Funky's creator, Tom Batiuk, has taken two characters who are married and have been a part of the strip forever and is having them deal with the struggles of Breast Cancer. Lisa, a character in the strip, is suffering from her second bout of Breast Cancer. A few years ago she went through her initially battle with the disease, went into remission and was married and had a child with her husband, Les. Recently, she has
re-developed the disease and tomorrow, according to Batiuk's website, she succumbs to this horrible killer.

I did a little research before I sat down to today because honestly, the strip was really bothering me. I open the comics and I want to be relieved of my daily stresses. I don't want to think about my own personal health struggles. I don't want to be reminded that we all have full plates that are often very full. I want to be shown some pictures and told a funny little story and then go back to reality. Since Lisa has been dying in the comic strip I've been getting more and more upset with the paper each day. Initially, I wanted to know why Batiuk felt it necessary to give us this downer of a story in the funny pages. Who really wants to read about Breast Cancer and a mom and wife "leaving" her family? Not me, especially not first thing in the morning! I thought about it a little more and realized this man who draws this strip couldn't possibly just be writing and drawing about this for the sake of nothing else to talk about. I went to his website and found out that he had a purpose and all of a sudden this comic strip took on new meaning to me.

How "appropriate" to show this "family's" struggle with Breast Cancer and the damage that the disease can do during a month that is completely dedicated to its awareness. The strip is depressing, it's sad, it makes me think extensively about the possibilities that could lay ahead for me and my family and also for the other women and men in my life who this disease will touch. But the strip is eye opening, it is refreshing in many ways, and it is action producing. I don't think any of us would want anyone in our lives to have to go through what Batiuk portrays for Lisa and those around her but I think, sadly, many of us will somehow be involved in something similar unless we do something now. Unless we are looking out for ourselves and one another and making sure we get checked and are checking and unless we are fighting in every way that we can to make sure more and more research is being done, we could end up in a circle very much like that of Lisa and Les. It's a very scary thought but it is a relief to know that there are people out there, like Batiuk, who have taken the time to use their "power" and influence to show us that life is about more than we think it's about.

I urge you to check out Funky Winkerbean. Look at the past strips and see what has been happening. It's not easy to read and it's very sad but it is very real and very important for each and every one of us.

Nu to U

So, my husband got a new job- YAY! We've been waiting for this for awhile and 920,000 resumes later he's got one and he's still interviewing for another- just in case! But now the task of buying a "new" car begins. Up until this point, he had been driving a company mini-van and it was "great". The van came with free gas, no extra insurance payments, and it was available for us to use all the time. But it's a piece of junk...always getting fixed, the transmission STINKS, and there are cracks on the windshield that his company won't fix until the windshield is practically falling out!

Now, we have to find a "new" car because the company car has to go back. I DETEST car shopping- seriously, I HATE IT!! We bought our mini van in July of 2006 and as much as I wanted the van because of space and everything else, I did not want to shop for it. We needed a new car, my VW wasn't doing the job of hauling my stroller and groceries at the same time, plus every 3 to 6 months we were dumping $2000 into the stupid car!! So, we started the process of shopping. It was between Toyota and Honda and both dealerships made me uncomfortable. I always felt like I needed to shower and go to confession after visiting them. We would go to one dealership, dragging Nicholas along- Addison had not been even conceived yet- where he would want to play in all of the showroom cars and play with their horns. Maybe we'd test drive one van and talk to someone or get brushed aside. Then the next night do the same and it just became too much! Finally, at one dealership I walked out. The salesperson was such a jerk and sleaze that I just could not take it anymore. I left. I left Pat sitting there with him, trying to negotiate and the guy just was not having any of it! Finally, I called Pat- from the parking lot of the dealership- and told him I had just called a different dealership and made a deal with a salesman we had been working with. I watched, from the car, as Pat stood and walked out, too. I hadn't actually made a deal but I did leave that salesman a message! :)

We're back at that square, whether it's square one or not, I'm not sure, although we can't afford a car now. We couldn't then but we at least had a trade in. This time we're going on our good looks and personality to get us a vehicle- God help us!! All I can think of are the times I would go down to West Virginia to do volunteer work and we would always pass the used car lot called, "Nu to U". The cars were not Nu or new, they were old and beaten up but that's what people could buy down there. I'm hoping that we can get something that's a little bit more than "Nu" but not new. I'm also hoping that this is a quick and painless process where I'm not chasing my 2 year old through cars that he wants to "drive" and blow the horns on. We're not looking for an Audi or Jag just something that doesn't make me feel like I need 4 showers and a delousing!

Some Mindless Fun

Thanks Kami for the mindless adventure, although most days I feel like I'm mindless! :)


1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet, current car)
Lady Sienna or Lady Toyota

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream, favorite cookie)
Vanilla Oatmeal- COME ON!!!

3. YOUR FLY “GUY/GIRL” NAME: (first initial first name, first 3 letters last name)
ASte

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Green Dog

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Anne Manhattan- Not bad!

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters last name, first 2 letters first name)
SteAl- yeah that spells STEAL- actually kinda cool!

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink and add” the”)
The Red Dirty Martini

8. NASCAR NAME: (first names of your grandfathers)
Edward Leonard

9. STRIPPER NAME: (favorite perfume, favorite candy)
Glo Butterfinger

10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s and father’s middle names)
Therese Patrick

Hmmm...I'll tag camikaos and karaokediva and anyone else who'd like to play along! Feel free to post in the comments!!

Supermarket Inspiration

Before I begin my daily dose of "This is my Life" I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that October, which begins today, is Breast Cancer Awareness month and Domestic Violence Awareness month. Both of these causes are near and dear to my heart and I do my best to actively work to eradicate these "epidemics" as well as to help those who are touched by them. I encourage each of you to find out more about any cause that you deem worthy and work towards eliminating it and helping those that suffer because of it.

Onward....
Sundays are fairly typical for me. I get up, sometimes I'll even get to sleep in, shower, dress and head out to church- alone. Pat has the kids on Sunday mornings because a) I won't bring my children to church with me, just yet and b) Pat is not a big churchgoer, although he has gotten better since we've been together and each time he goes he says he feels more of a connection. Church, for me, is time alone and a chance to pray and really be with God. I pray during the week, just before I fall asleep usually, but the hour that I spend in mass each weekend is precious to me and it really helps me to round out my previous week and get ready for my next week. After church I, more often than not, go to Shop Rite to shop for the week or at least part of the week. I LOATHE going to Shop Rite after church because everyone goes to Shop Rite after church. Ironically enough, these people who I just sat with in church are no longer the same God-fearing, kind hearted, hymn singing, sign of peace sharing individuals. They are slow moving, aisle blocking, cart bumping, dirty look giving, sales stealing shoppers who are only there for the same reason I am, because they are out, the food needs to be bought and Sunday seems like the best day to do it!

So, I do my Shop Rite shuffle. It was not a BIG shopping trip, thank goodness! I was there to get stuff for Nicholas' lunch this week and garbage bags, somehow I did manage to spend $130- clearly I bought more than lunch meat and garbage bags! At our Shop Rite you have to "pay" for your cart. You put a quarter in and the cart is released to you. Once you're done you reattach your cart to another and you get your quarter back. I have to be completely honest and say that on more than one occasion I have said, "Screw it" and left my cart and my quarter in the middle of the parking lot. I've done this for a number of reasons, mainly it's because it's a real pain the butt to lug two kids from your car to the "cart catch" and then back again and I don't like to leave my kids in the car and walk away. So, yes, you pay for a cart...this was new to me when we first moved out here and even now when I shop around my parents- where apparently Shop Rite customers are trusted and they don't have to pay- I take out my quarter to get a cart. People, especially my mother, usually look at me funny.

I left the store and was loading up the car, just about finished and completely frustrated, when I noticed an SUV trying to pull into the spot next to me. Now, I understood her issue. Even though there is plenty of room to pull in, you are afraid that your car is going to make a sudden jump and slam right into the person who is no where near where you are pulling your car into thereby pinning the Sunday morning shopper in between their vehicle and yours. This does not end up happening to me. The woman in the SUV, though, does roll down her window and asks if I wouldn't mind leaving my cart right there and she then offers me a quarter. At first glance, she is tired- sorry, but it's painfully obvious! She's in a sweatshirt, her hair is back in a messy ponytail and her smile is "half-assed" for clearly good reason. I refuse her quarter and let her know that the cart is all hers. I leave the cart in between our two cars and as I'm climbing into my beast of a minivan- I'm convinced she's indestructible now after my run in with Lead Foot Lucy- the woman still has her window down and says to me, "Sometimes it's just so hard with a baby." I looked at her and said, "I know exactly what you mean" smiled and drove off. I could not get her out of my head for a lot of the day. She reminded me a lot of myself and how I feel often.

When Nicholas was born, we were very lucky, we were living with my parents so for the first 4 months of his life it was 4 adults versus 1 infant- it worked great. Living with my parents was so helpful in so many ways. I feel like I was a much calmer first time mom than most are because of the situation and partially because of who I am by nature. Once we moved out and into our house, 45 minutes away from my parents, things were a little bit more hairy because Pat and I were on our own in the boonies with a 4 month old. It became harder but it was still doable. Really, we were chugging right along until Addison came along. Addison threw us for a loop! We were doing GREAT with one kid, two put us- or at least me- over the edge! For the first few weeks I could not leave the house, between physical and emotional recovery, dealing with a preemie and a two year old who didn't want a little sister, and the lack of a stroller that could handle both kids, I didn't even want to think about getting the mail let alone going to a store! Things got worse before they got better. I never wanted to leave the couch or my bed, but I did. I saw no need to shower, but I did. I really did not want people to see how I was really doing and a lot of the time I did not feel like, short of my mom, there were many people who understood. Finally, my OB/GYN offered my an anti-depressant and I accepted it because I knew something was wrong. The drugs didn't work for me so I found a therapist and got myself talking. I was diagnosed with post-partum depression and I started on my road to recovery. Things have gotten better but I still have those days. Sometimes, I feel like I have those weeks. Sometimes, it is just too much to do anything with two kids or even one!

I was that woman in the shop rite parking lot, and I still am. I understand how she feels and I only spoke a few short words with her. That brief interaction has helped me to get my butt moving again. When we joined our current parish I had the intention of starting a moms' group for any mom in our area who needed someone to talk with or just to listen. With the beginning of school and a whole slew of other personal things I never really took the idea off the ground. My Shop Rite encounter shows me that it's needed. My own personal feelings and needs to talk with other moms in similar and different situations in my area shows me that it's needed. My Sunday morning was everything that it always is with a little bit of supermarket inspiration thrown in.