I got this off a blog today that I think I've read before but I'm not a regular reader, Life As I Know It. I couldn't resist posting this because I read it and it just struck me...
The world is full of women blindsided by the unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and torturous.
That is so very true! I love my job, I really do. Probably for the first time, in a long time, I really do enjoy where I'm working and pretty much what I'm doing. Are there days that I don't want to get up? OH GOD YES! But I just want to sleep...if I could go into work at 10, I'd be fine! :) I may complain about my students and we all complain about things going on at work. But I really do enjoy my work. But....
There are the days that I just want to stay home with my kids. There are the days when it is just too hard to leave them. The first day back is always the worst. Whether it is the first day after Summer or the first day after being home for 6+ months on disability and maternity leave or the first day after Christmas break, it always terrible. Sure, I like the break from being home but not being there to see my kids do certain things is hard, not being there to play with them and put them down for naps and take them to the park and everything else during the day is difficult.
It's a fine line that we walk when we work outside the home and still want to be home. My job is torturous on the days when I know one my kids is not feeling well but they are ok enough to go to daycare. If I didn't work, I could be home with them making them feel better or at least spending the day with them. My job is torturous when the call pops up on my cell from the daycare center and I know that one of my kids is sick or hurt and is 45 minutes away from me. My job is torturous when there is a Halloween or Christmas party that I can't miss because I know that somewhere in the winter there are going to be many days that my son or my daughter will be sick with an ear infection or tummy ache and I just can't use the day to be there. That's when my job is torturous.
My job is terrific when it comes to the end of the summer and I've run out of ideas to entertain the kids and I need to be around adults on a consistent basis. My job is terrific when I can come home at the end of the day and see what my kids have made for me in daycare and created for our refrigerator art gallery- without my job there would be no need for daycare. My job is terrific when I come into work and am greeted by students who, for once, actually want to learn and participate. My job is terrific when I realize, which is pretty often, that it makes me a better mom. It makes me appreciate what I have at home and what I have in my classroom and in my colleagues. My job is terrific and torturous and most days, I wouldn't have it any other way.