...Fever...

It seems like lately fever has been around....Yes, in the traditional sense- my son had one for almost a week before we finally got it to break- but also in the non-traditional sense. My friend H wants a baby. My friend K thinks she might be pregnant (but maybe not). Kelly over at Ordinary Art was blogging about this a few weeks ago. And even me, I'm got it a bit. I find myself sitting and thinking about another baby. I look at my daughter who, when she was born, just about reached from my fingers to my elbow and now fills up both my arms. I see my son who seems to have matured and sprouted in the past two weeks into a little boy and no longer our baby boy. And I get nostalgic. I get weepy. I get baby fever. And you'll never believe it but the husband has it too.....

My real life friends and my mother can step back now, take a deeeeeeeep breath and don't worry. We're not getting pregnant. But I have the fever. Most days I have the fever. Some days, when both kids are screaming bloody murder and in foul moods, not so much. I think back to my pregnancies and while neither of them were stellar in the courses that they took, I had my moments where I kind of enjoyed it. I loved feeling the baby move. I loved seeing the ultrasound shots. I loved playing music to my belly and feeling my daughter react (my son couldn't hear it). I loved the planning. I hated the waiting. I loathed the morning sickness. I was exhausted for a good portion. I hated the weight gain and swelling. I loved the end result. And by the end I was ready....well, I was for my son. My daughter could have given me a few extra weeks but we made it! We asked the boy last night if he'd like another baby brother or sister and at first he asked for both. Then he asked for a baby brother, he already has a baby sister. The husband and I looked at one another and just sort of shrugged. It was an agreement shrug. It was an ok at some point down the line we can manage that shrug. It was a yeah we'd kind of like to give you a baby something shrug. It was weird.

We're not getting pregnant. We're both in school. I am beyond determined to finish my Masters- despite how much I hate my one class. The husband is determined to finish his degree also. We live in a house that's just too small. We have a bank account that is just too empty. And our lives, right now, are just right- well they are getting there. I am enjoying, or I will be soon, sleeping through the night. I am liking that my boobs don't hurt every moment of the day. And I am ok with the fact that my jeans don't have elastic or a giant fabric panel in them. Will all of that still hold true two years from now? I don't think so but I don't know. We're getting rid of our baby stuff. It's from when our son was born and most of the safety dates will expire before we even consider getting pregnant again. Maybe we're sealing our fate with that. Maybe I should hang on to the swing and the glider and bouncer and the bumbo but I'm not. I'm keeping some of the clothes. I'm giving some away- keep your eyes open J, your big man has some stuff coming his way! And I'm selling a lot. I want another baby but not just yet.

So, here is what I've decided. I have baby fever....I don't see it going away any time soon. Everyone out there who is of childbearing age and capability, go get pregnant. I'll throw you a shower, I'll be your lamaze/bradley/whatever partner, I'll be there every step of the way if you want me. Just please, someone have a baby so I don't have to!