Monday, December 10, 2007


We had a blackout last night courtesy of some bad weather and ice. I was home with the kids, as is the norm on Sundays since the husband works. The power kicked out probably somewhere around 6:30ish, maybe a little later. Now, I hate being home alone with the kids as it is. It has nothing to do with being the only parent home and it has everything to do with not feeling safe. I don't like feeling insecure about our safety and that's generally how I feel when we're home alone. And I'm convinced it will take like 45 minutes for anyone to find our street since we're still not on maps!! ANYWAY, the power kicked out, both kids were still awake and it immediately sent the boy into a frightened frenzy. Understandably. As I watched his face with his eyes filling with tears and his trembling lower lip I couldn't help it, I started to tear up as well. This new phase where he is really starting to understand what is happening and his emotions are so raw and real is totally new for me.

So, we called grandma and pop-pop to see if they could make the boy feel better because my words meant nothing and letting him be in charge of the flashlight didn't help anything, either. After 10 minutes on the phone with them it appeared that the boy was doing better. He started to embrace his job as flashlight captain, that is until it became too heavy! We put the peanut down for the night and the boy enjoyed a PB&J and some OJ. He played for a bit but soon it was evident that he was quite tired. I suggested that he sit on the couch and snuggle under the blankets. Oddly enough he took this suggestion and ran with it. He situated himself in the cushions with a pillow and under the blanket- cozy and warm. He asked me to lay with him and I was happy to oblige. We chatted for a few minutes about the TV being broken and the power not working. He asked me about the candles I had lit and when the power would come back on. He told me that he just wanted the Christmas Tree on, nothing else and I explained that I would like that, too, but the power was still out so we'd have to wait. He then decided he wanted to lay down so we did. He asked me to rub his head and immediately I knew he was exhausted. Within moments I could hear his even breathing and I knew he was halfway to sleep. Every few minutes he would stir and ask, "Mommy, are you awake?"
"Yes, boy, I am."
"O, ok. I'm going to lay down."
We both snuggled in for what I was sure would be an all night blackout and I had just about gotten the boy to fall into a deep sleep when BAM- the power was back on. Of course within seconds the boy bolted out of his sleep and was ready to watch TV and play games. Luckily, I was able to get him up to bed and he actually fell asleep within a minimal fight after reading a couple of books.

I have to say I was a little sad that the power came back on. That hour or so where I was able to spend just chit chatting with the child who is no longer my little baby and who is now becoming a "real boy" was priceless. He has these questions and statements that I don't know that I've ever heard from a child his age. He comes up with the most amazing things and is so sincere in his questioning. Once his fear had subsided, he was able to use the darkness and candlelight as a tool for his imagination and it was incredible to watch. Part of me would love to turn the lights off every Sunday for a few hours and just sit and talk and hold him. Keep him little for a little bit longer. I cannot believe that in February three years will have gone by since he was born. There are days that I look at him and I cannot believe he is ours. I said to the husband last week that I'm amazed that the hospital let us take our kids home. It is unreal to me that these children are products of us and we are responsible for everything about them. It boggles the mind but at the same time awakens me and encourages me to be an even better mom.

I am determined to treasure and remember those moments. Those blackouts and times when it is just he and I. I know I'll have them with my daughter and our next child. But these times with my firstborn are so priceless. He is the one who taught to me be a mom. And he continues to teach me every moment of every day. That blackout was priceless. I can only hope that more come along as each day passes.


carrie@pg said...

Technorati doesn't always recognize our links these days, so I'm letting people know when we link to them. And we we linked to your photo post today at Parental Guidance, in a post about holiday photo angst. The pictures of your kids are really adorable, but didn't get a chance to link to them yet. Here it is, if you want to check it out:

Don Mills Diva said...

What a lovely, lovely post. I felt myself welling up. Thanks for sharing - it's my first visit to your blog.

Stella said...

Thanks for visiting! Hope you come back!

OHmommy said...

Awww... I love that you mentioned that he tuaght you how to be a mother. Sweetness.

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