Friday, October 10, 2008

It's in the Reactions

I've talked about positive thinking before.

It's all related to him. I blame him for not allowing me to wallow for nearly as long as I used to.

I also thank him.

October 27th is fast approaching. It will be one year since I was in a major car accident that changed everything.

I have passed other milestones along the way from other events. My daughter's first birthday. The one year anniversary of my last radiation which also happened to be the end of the time limit on my "not allowed to get pregnant" time. The one year anniversary of starting a job that I am finally happy in.

Other milestones will come over the next months.

I've been thinking a lot about where I was a year ago and what the past 12 months have brought. I was in such a different place. I was such a different person.

I was on the cusp of change waiting for it to come. I hadn't realized that I needed to make change happen. I had to bring the change to me.

Thank God I did.

I get to the end of my work week and I think about the weekend ahead. It makes me tired. I think about the fact that my husband won't be home with me and I'd really just like to sleep until 11. I know that won't happen. I think about the past week and the good points and the not so good points. I think about how tired I am. I think about the break that I want. The stoppage of time that will never come.

I get to the end of my work week and after I've wallowed momentarily, since I can't wallow for much more than that any longer thanks to him, I am excited. The prospect of moments alone with my children. The idea of hours spent with family sitting around the house or out and about. The notion of sleeping past 4:45am. All of it excites me.

The more and more I think about where I was 12 months ago and where I am now the more I see how the power of positive thinking really works.

Things are not always roses and teddy bears. I still have bills(too many) and I work too much (sometimes). I still have those days where I just want to stay under the covers all day and not face the world. Those moments of sadness and depression that were ever present and constant one and two years ago are few and far between now but they do still make appearances. They just don't get to stay as long.

Every school has students that are total pains in the ass. Every teacher has kids that sit in their classroom and make them want to re consider their career choice. It is what it is. But what I'm finding is that it's all in how you approach these kids. It's in how you handle them and deal with them. It's how you react to them.

I've been teaching for more than 5 years and I'm just learning that. I'm learning it because it's universal. It's applicable to every aspect of life. It's necessary to understand for every part of who we are and what we encounter.

It's all about how you respond. It's in how you deal with things. It's in how you react.

My reactions have changed over the past year. Every time something would knock me down I would become a bit more defeated. A bit more wallowing would ensue.

It's not like that anymore. The reactions are different and that makes everything else different.

I feel like I've painted this picture of pure and total happiness. It's not. But it's pretty good. Things are on an upswing and I'm planning on having them continue.

I get to the end of my work week or I hear the alarm at 4:45 and I'm tired. I want to sleep. But I am so unbelievably grateful for that exhaustion because it means that I've reacted in ways that have kept me active and positive. And plus, I'm awake and alive.

Who could ask for more?


Kate said...

It's so good to reflect and to feel positive about what lies ahead. It sounds like you have learned so much from all of your experiences.

Helen E.M. Wright said...

I've been having a hard time lately looking on the bright side...and I'm a bright side person!!

I started The Last Lecture then went away. Maybe it's time for me to get back to it!

It sounds like you are happy where you are. GOOD!

Kimmylyn said...

I had no idea about so much in this post..

I just want to hug you. And drink Guinnesses together..

Caffeine Court said...

Wow what a year...and look at you! You are so strong.

I need to get back to The Last Lecture. It is so important to keep things in perspective and thank god for all we have.

Thanks for reminding me.

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