Lightening Up

Yesterday was a terrible no good very bad day for me for no other reason except that I let myself get so down and sad that I couldn't pull myself out.

It started in the morning, some song- wish I could remember which one, came on the radio on my way into work.  And then my mind wandered.  And then the tears.  And then the downward slump.

And that's where I stayed for a lot of the day.

I left work to get some stuff to get ready for my best friend's birthday.  She turned 40 today.  I wanted to get her gift and some gag stuff and decorations.  I was still down.

I came back to work to get ready for basketball practice and a friend of mine, a teacher from my department, was staying late to help the seniors decorate for the hallway competition.

He and I sat on the floor of the school, watching his current students and my former students decorating for Christmas, and we just talked.  He was going to his wife's work dinner- she works with a bird sanctuary.  We joked about how awkward it would be to eat any type of bird at the dinner.  We laughed and really talked about nothing in particular.

And I walked away significantly lighter.

Last night, I had a conversation with another co-worker/friend with whom I've been struggling and it was normal and fun.  I walked away even lighter.

I stopped to get more decorations for my friend's birthday.  I thought of how wonderful she has been.  I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am to have a friend like her.  She has been incredible and I am extremely blessed.  I realized how lucky I am as I walked through the dollar store.  And I headed home feeling that much better.

I got home and my husband listened as I described my sad day that was only sad because I allowed it to be.  And he just listened.  He didn't offer me a solution.  He didn't say it was going to be ok.  He. Just. Listened.

And I was relieved.

This morning I came into work and there was a six pack of Guinness on the floor of my room with the kindest card. 

And, again, I came to see how lucky I am.  I am surrounded by the most incredible people.  I am supported by the most wonderful friends and family.

I am lucky.

I have no idea what Tuesday will bring.

I don't want to hear that it's going to be ok because no one really knows that.  I don't know what lies ahead of me after my tests on Tuesday but I know, more than I know anything else, that I will have the most incredible support system regardless of what the outcome of all of this is.

And for that I am lighter and happier.