Monday, October 4, 2010

Weather Systems

So, when I got married I knew it was going to be hard.  Relationships are hard- regardless of whether or not they are marriages or just friendships.

But no one mentioned how hard it could really get.

I mean like so hard that some days you'd seriously consider prison life because you just can't spend one more minute with this person who, for all intents and purposes, you've promised to spend the rest of your life with.

Yeah, I've been there.

If you want to tell me that you've never been there or at least close to there, that's ok.  That's wonderful for you and your spouse.  I don't necessarily believe you but I think it's great that your marriage is that effortless.

Mine is NOT effortless.  As a matter of fact a few months ago I wasn't sure how much more effort I could put into it.  And I know my husband had similar feelings.

It was just so hard.   SO HARD.  And I really felt like it shouldn't be that hard. 

I was wrong.

There were fights.  There were tears.  There were silent nights and days.  There were long talks.  there was just a lot of everything.  All of those things that come with any type of struggle.

It was hard.  It still is.  There are days- granted very few and very far between- where I'd like to take a permanent trip to a beach somewhere but now it's about implementing the things we learned years ago in pre-cana classes.  It's about the compromise.  It's about the communication.  It's about the trust.  And really, it's about the fact that we do love one another and our life together.

It got hard because we thought it was just so easy.  We let it slip away from us.  We got wrapped up in the life we were trudging through but not really living.  We neglected each other and the individuality we each brought to our relationship.

And is it perfect now?


Not even close!

Is it better?  Is it a work in progress?  Is it back to being healthier?

Yes, a resounding yes. 

I wish that someone had warned me about how truly hard it would get.  How much intensive work and struggle it would take.  I wish I had known it, REALLY known it going in.  I doubt it would have made all that much of a difference but it would have been nice to be able to stop for a moment and say, "Oh yeah, I KNEW this was coming."

But I didn't.  And I don't know how much harder it could get.  But now I see that the storms that we weather alone and the storms that we weather together are no different because it's all part of one big weather system.  And as long as we protect one another in the weather system, the storms will blow by as we battle each one.


Brie said...

Aw Mountain Momma, sorry you've been in a down cycle. You are right, it's not always hearts and flowers and I really like your attitude. Cheers towards some nice strides in the climb :) xo

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...


Well said my lovely.

A Mom on Spin said...

I've been married for 24 years now, and I'm still waiting for the time I say. . . "I knew this was coming."

Hang in there!

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