Pacing Myself to the Indigo Girls and Miley Cyrus

I've been listening to the Indigo Girls quite a bit lately.  And while my friend Wolfie thinks I've transported myself back to 1992 because I'm in denial about turning 30, it's actually because I really like the Indigo Girls and I enjoy their music.

I've been fixated on one song lately, "Watershed".  And the ironic piece about my fascination is that I've listened to this song a thousand times over the years but the lyrics are just starting to make sense to me lately.

I feel like I'm being smacked in the fact with a ton of crap all at once.  And, truthfully, I have a roof over my head (granted my ceiling is caving in), I have a husband that loves me and that I love, my children are healthy (except for that double ear infection and nasty asthma rearing their ugly heads), and I have a job that I ADORE.  I should not be so consumed by these things that will, in time, pass and I will be able to deal with.

But I am.

Tomorrow I turn 30.  Consuming crap #1.  (That sounds gross, like I'm actually consuming crap but really I mean that turning 30 is consuming my being right now).

About two weeks ago I received a call from my doctor that my mammograms actually were not all clear.  Consuming crap #2.

A few of my students are dealing with things that no child should EVER have to deal with and they have turned to me.  I am MORE THAN HAPPY to help them, but it is taxing.  Consuming crap #3.

We're having some interior issues that are being dealt with but I have a hole in my ceiling and it's sometimes disconcerting.  Consuming crap #4.

And finally, I am being offered a possibility that could help my family exponentially and we could finally be financially more comfortable but I'm not sure that it would make me happy.  TOTALLY ALL CONSUMING CRAP #5.

And here is where the Indigo Girls come in. 

Up on the watershed, standing at the fork in the road.

you can stand there and agonize until your agony is your heaviest load

And I have done an AWESOME job of making my "agony" my heaviest load.  I have allowed the possibility of what could MAYBE happen to overwhelm all of my senses. 

I have, as they say, put the cart before the horse.

When you're learning to face the path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while.

Right now, there is no choice to make.  Well, that's not true but the major choice doesn't have to be made just yet.  But I have allowed myself to become all consumed by the 'what-ifs'.  The uncertainties make me crazy and give me that feeling in my tummy that Miley Cyrus sings about in her 'Party in the USA' song. (Yeah, I just referenced Miley Cyrus and Indigo Girls in the same post!)  

When all of this gets bunched together I feel like I'm being repeatedly smacked in the face.  Not knocked down, just annoyed repeatedly by life's interruptions.  I have quickly come to realize that the path I am on has to be taken as a reasonable pace and maybe, just maybe, I was moving or I am moving a bit too quickly.  

And, thus, overwhelming myself.

In the end, each of these things is something I can easily tackle.  Together, I've made it a bit much.

But 5 years from now when I look back, it will all be dealt with and done.  And I'll be turning 35.  

GAH!

Every five years or so I look back on my life
And I have a good laugh.

 

So, now, I put the horse back where he belongs in front of the cart and I tackle one thing at a time.  

 

First, it's 30.

 

Tomorrow, I turn 30 and while it may not seem like more than a number to some of you to me it's more than that.  And tomorrow, I deal with that.

 

Then we move forward.  And I'll make my choices one by one and find my own pace.

Every tree limb overhead just seems to sit and wait.
Until every step you take becomes a twist of fate.