Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Right Choice for Us

Allow me to reiterate. I love my job.

I love working.

I am not cut out to be a Stay At Home Mom.

The more and more I do it, I believe that I was meant to be a teacher.

All of that, plus more, does not mean that I don't question my choice to put my children in daycare/pre-school.

I don't question the choice my husband and I made, on a frequent basis, because if nothing else, I work because I HAVE to.

I don't question our choice when our son comes home with new additions to his vocabulary such as, 'shut up' or 'that's cool' or 'you're freakin' me out'. (Ok, that last one MAY have come from me!)

I don't question our choice when my daughter comes home in clothing that does not belong to her because she had an accident at school and was out of extra clothes.

I don't question our choice when my son's teacher pulls me aside and lets me know that there is lice in the school.

I question our choice on days like today.

I got a text at work from my mom, who had the kids today, that my daughter's eye looked pink and maybe I should consider taking her to the pediatrician.

OYE! (We're doing 'Fiddler on the Roof' as the Spring Musical at work...this word is now permanently in my vocabulary!)

My daughter did NOT have pink eye. NO WAY!

I was waiting for the text that told me that she was having flu-like symptoms and maybe we were experiencing the Swine Flu.

I left work early and met my mom and the kids at the doctor. I took the kids in and waited to see one of the extremely capable women who run the pediatric practice that we use.

The kids were actually quite good. Surprisingly for the pediatrician's office. Usually they are like wild banshees set loose at the zoo when we go there. Today? Not so much.

That should have been my first clue.

We got in to see the on-call sick doctor. Who, incidentally, was rated as one of the top pediatricians in NJ.

Not even 10 seconds into her examining my daughter she stopped and looked at me, "Uh, yeah, she has double pink eye."

WTF?!?!?!

She proceeded to examine the rest of my daughter's head.

She stopped again.

Oh, crap.

"Has she been acting differently? Is she teething?"

"No......"

"Well, she has a double ear infection, as well. And her right ear is quite bad."

Seriously?!?! WTF, DOUBLE?!?!?!?

In a matter of moments I went from feeling like this was the most ridiculous doctor's appointment ever to feeling like the worst mother ever.

How in the world did I NOT know that my daughter had a double ear infection (raging, mind you) AND double pink eye?!?!

I could blame it on the fact that my child, my children are in daycare/school three days a week.

I could blame it on the fact that I work my ass off everyday teaching over 100 teenagers and then coaching well into the evening.

I could blame it on the fact that I'm convinced my daughter has the attitude and personality to match her fiery red hair.

But I won't.

My daughter showed no signs of any type of illness. She has not been sick. She does not have allergies. She has not slowed down one bit.

Yet, I questioned the choice that my husband and I made when we decided to have children. That choice to work and send our kids to daycare/school.

I questioned it because there are days when I am convinced that my daughter wouldn't end up with double ear and eye infections if she were not in daycare. There are days when I truly believe that my son would not have landed in the hospital for a week last year if he were not in daycare. There are days where I think it would be easier to be home and not work.

And then my daughter cries when I tell her we won't be going to school tomorrow. She wants to see her friends.

My son asks me what is going to happen to all the of the stuff he was supposed to learn tomorrow at school.

And then I know that the choice we made is right for everyone. It doesn't matter that the choice, for the most part, is based in the need for that second paycheck.

My kids love school.

I love my job.

Our choices are exactly as they should be.

And tomorrow, I get to stay home and sleep in and spend the day with my kids. And we'll have fun and enjoy our day together.

And by Monday, I'll be ready to go back to work and my kids will be ready to go back to school.

And that's ok. Our choice is right for us.

Even if it does mean Antibiotics and Eye Drops sometimes.

5 comments:

Merrily Down the Stream said...

It is like you are inside my head on this one. I love my children madly - but at heart I am not a stay at home mom. Snuggle in and enjoy your day together. xoxox

Sandi said...

They will either get sick now while in daycare or they will get sick later when they are in school full-time. You don't escape it by staying home, you just postpone it.

A Buns Life said...

My son has gotten pink eye 2x this year and he is first grade so he HAS to go to school....don't beat yourself up! Enjoy your 3 day weekend! :)

Kate said...

I feel the same way!!

adjustmentdisorder said...

I am SO there with you. My daughter had decent quantities of boogery goop coming out of both eyes for two days before I decided it merited a trip to the doctor. Then when we got there, the doctor informed us that she also had a double ear infection. I had no idea, and felt like a moron. It has nothing to do with your parents skills - chalk it up to a strong daughter with a high pain tolerance!

 
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