Thursday, April 2, 2009

Downsizing

I'm down 26 pounds and I'm stalled.

Ok, well not stalled exactly. I've been down 26 for the past two weeks and don't get me wrong, I'm THRILLED with my progress but I'd like to try for about 10 or 15 more pounds.

My past few weekends haven't exactly been "healthy" eating so I'm pretty sure that's why I've stalled. And believe me, I'd much rather be stalled than gaining.

So, I just reaffirm myself and I keep going. I start anew each day and I'm right back on the horse.

In the midst of losing these 26 pounds I'm running out of clothes. Nothing fits.

Shirts I can deal with. I can shrink them a bit or work with their bagginess.

But pants and skirts are an entirely different story.

I am at the point where I put something on and I have to worry about whether or not it's going to stay on the lower half of my body.

And that's wonderful.

But I am fearful.

All of the books I've read say that I should get rid of my "fat" clothes. I should throw them away because their sheer existence in my closet gives me permission to gain all of my lost weight back at some point.

I understand that.

But, what if I do gain it back? What if I get pregnant and I can use those clothes for the first few months instead of maternity clothes? (THIS IS NOT HAPPENING) What if, well, I don't know but what if I wake up one morning and those 26 pounds have magically reappeared on my stomach and ass? (If they appeared on my chest, I might not have such a problem with it!)

I fear the downsizing of my closet.

I'm not so sure I'm ready to let go of those items that really are a crutch to me. I'm not so sure that I am ready to say, "I am never gaining this weight back again."

To put it quite plainly, I'm not so sure I have the confidence in myself to believe that I won't gain it back.

And that sucks.

Maybe it needs to be done in baby steps.

About a month ago, I unloaded bags and bags of clothes. Maternity clothes. REALLY "fat" clothes. Old clothes. Just tons of clothes went to good will.

Maybe now I need to unload a few more things. Maybe it's about taking it one or two pairs of jeans and an XXL sweater at a time.

Maybe it's about believing in the moment of myself and saying, "Right now, I won't allow this weight to come back."

I really don't know.

I just know that I fear the downsizing because I fear that I may fail even after so much success.

9 comments:

Marty, a.k.a. canape said...

You can always buy a new pair of pants. I say purge and splurge. Congratulations! You are doing a great job :)

Schmutzie said...

At least pack your fat clothes up in boxes and put them away. Even having them out of sight is probably helpful. I still have a bunch of clothing that I keep packed away because I can't bear to part with it yet.

Ramblings of a Madman said...

congrats!! Be confident; keep a couple momentos and ditch the rest.

Kim said...

I am so happy for you.. Put two fat pants away in the back of your closet and throw the rest away..

YAH for you.. woo hoo..26 pounds is a huge feat!!

Helen E.M. Wright said...

WOOHOO!!!! Congratulations!!!

I'm going through the same... although I'm a little behind you and down 11.6lbs. To get rid of the clothes as I go or not?!?! Most of me wants to but a little of me is scared too!!

I'm in my 5th week of a running program. I (think) I'm starting to like it! Really I like what the results do!! That's what I have to keep thinking about when I want to stop...how great my legs look and how they will look even better soon!! ;)

JLG said...

You look great! Get rid of the fat clothes!

Merrily Down the Stream said...

I get that - I yo-yo every year. I like the save 2 pairs and ditch the rest. It is hard when you plateau but look how far you've come. You are a superstar and you deserve to be your best self. (that's my best Oprah) xoxox

melissa said...

yay for you!!! that's so awesome. go shopping. you deserve it. maybe don't completely get rid of the other clothes. pack them away. mark on the box...never to be opened again!!
26 pounds is awesome honey!! i'm so happy for you!!

Leigh said...

Hi Alison - I just stumbled upon your blog. It's super cute and I love the posts I've already read! (haven't been able to read too many as I'm at work, whoops!)

I was wondering, how did you change your banner/header to something unique? I've been trying to change my template in blogger and am having the hardest time!

Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated!

 
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