Happy Birthday

I was going through pictures last night just before falling asleep.

I wish I had them scanned in, they would add so much to this.

They were pictures taken 4 years ago this month. Actually pictures taken 4 years ago today.

4 years ago today I became a mommy. Well, not really. I became a mommy the moment the 6 different sticks showed a second line or read 'pregnant' in May of 2004.

But 4 years ago today, my son was born.

The pictures were taken in the hospital. There were shots of him still covered in vernix. Shots of him on the scale. Shots of him on my chest moments after being born. Shots of him with my mom and with my dad.

Each of them transporting me back to that VERY early morning.

Taking me back to the moments just before he was born when my OB told me that I had 15 minutes to give birth or she was doing a crash C-section.

Taking me back to the moments when my OB held him up, one hand under his butt and one at the base of his head, and said "It's a boy!"

Every single picture brought back the most vivid memories.

I turned to my husband and asked him, "Do you remember what we were doing 4 years ago at this time?"

I believe his response was, "I was sleeping in a hard hospital chair and you had a comfy bed all to yourself!"

And then he laughed.

We reminisced about that night. About driving to the hospital that morning at 6 am to be induced. About not being induced until 6pm that night. About watching my husband eat Burger King in front of me during my 6th hour of labor and my 24th hour of no food.

And we remembered the moment that we became parents. We were both so young. So scared. My husband was afraid to hold our son. I had to practically force him to do so. I had no idea what was going on.

We had just entered a new life and given birth to a new beginning. We did it so blindly and thinking we were so ready, so prepared.

It is four years later and most days we have no idea what we're doing. We're doing is blindly but doing a pretty ok job, I think.

As I got ready for work this morning (late) my son fumbled down the dark hallway of our house and stopped in the bathroom. I crouched down and whispered, "Happy Birthday, buddy! You're 4 today!!" His sleepy eyes looked back at me and sparkled as he beamed at me and asked, "Today is my birthday!?!?"

Ten minutes later I overheard my husband and son "arguing" about whether it was Tuesday or Sunday today. Sunday is the boy's party and he is still grasping the concept of his actual birthday and his birthday party day. I chuckled and listened as my husband tried to explain the difference and make the boy see. It didn't work.

So much of what we do as parents, from the moment we decide to try and get pregnant or have a child, is done blindly. So often, we think we know it all. We're prepared and ready. We can hit the ground running.

It almost never works that way.

4 years ago today my son was born and my eyes were opened to an entirely new world of beginnings and endings. And I blindly entered this world of parenthood.

My son is my guide. Each day I take his hand and lead him through supermarkets or the mall or to the car. But really, he has taken my hand and skillfully guides me through the minefield of parenting.

I may be blind but he knows exactly where he's going.

Happy Birthday, buddy! You're 4 today and each and every day has been unbelievably wonderful with you!!