Thursday, February 12, 2009

My WMDs

I have a very hard time thinking about leaving my job.

I am not planning on quitting. I am not planning on being fired (although, one never really plans on that!). I am not looking for another job.

I am very happy in my job.

I enjoy getting up each morning to come to work. I don't like getting up early but in the two years that I've worked at my current school there has only been one day that haven't wanted to come in simply because I did not want to be here.

I laugh every single day. I feel like I connect with my students and co-workers/friends ever single day. I feel like what I'm doing is making a difference in their lives.

And I'm good at it.

I will be done with my Masters' Degree soon. Not very soon, but soon enough. I will be an almost licensed counselor most likely within the next year or so. I will be well on my way to practicing counseling with women and children and families who are in need.

That is exciting to me.

But I do not want to leave my job.

I also do not want to be a guidance counselor.

I know I have a year and a little more to figure this all out, but right now I have no desire to take on counseling full-time.

All of a sudden, over these past two years, I have come to love the work I am doing and the people I am with and the kids I interact with.

I have come to realize that while I still hope and dream of becoming a counselor I do not want to sacrifice the teaching career that I am building up around me.

It is not about the fear of not being good as a counselor.

It is not about money, I certainly am not bringing in the big bucks as a private school teacher.

It is not about anything else except that I really love what I'm doing and I cannot see myself stopping it, right now.

I find myself thinking of ways to do both. Coming up with ideas about how to have it all while still being happy and not stressed.

There aren't many ideas about how to do that!

I find myself thinking of Jason Seaver from "Growing Pains". I envision an office attached to my home. My home in or around the the town where my current job is located. I see myself with clients in the evenings, maybe one weekend day, and during the Summers and school vacations.

And I wonder how realistic that is.

I wonder how it will all work out. I wonder what the picture will look like 10 years from now. Hell, I wonder what the picture will look like 6 months from now!

It all goes back to that roller coaster I wrote about months ago from "Parenthood". Life is so very much like a roller coaster that we've never been on before. We wonder what that next hill or turn will look like. Will it flip us over? Will it take us to the highest point only to drop us and then pick us back up? Where is it going and who is going with us?

This all started off as some words about my uncertainty with my job. It started off about trying to find the realistic approach to making it all work. And it became about the roller coaster and life.

My job started off as an interim position until I finished my degree. It started off as a paycheck from something I was good at. And it has become my career, something I really love.

Each day my students write a reflection on a quote as a way of starting off class. Today's quote is quite apropos:
"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." -Marcus Aurelius

The future does not disturb me. It excites me. It baffles me. It makes me wonder about what is around the next bend, the next loop, the next hill.

I have weapons of reason that are better than any WMD and the future is no match for me!

4 comments:

the MomBabe said...

just don't think about it.

Helen E.M. Wright said...

I've been feeling lost on what to 'do' with my life outside the house for a while.

I also believe that there is a 'tri-life' crisis. People between the ages of 28 and 34 seem to be really rethinking their career choice at this time and changing things.

Momo Fali said...

You are very lucky to have a job you love. I don't blame you for not wanting to leave it.

Anonymous said...

Hey Alison,
I always thought the Jason Seaver set up would be cool. Realy. I think your feelings say it all. You'll get your degree and then you'll decide. But for now, you can just enjoy being a great educator. I love the quote idea with your students!!!! Anyhow, be good. :) your fan,

Rachel

 
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