Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Now Is Only Temporary

I was going to write this carefully crafted post about talking with a friend about our kids and how refreshing it is to find that I'm finally surrounding myself with people who are honest and sincere.  I was going to talk about how it's so wonderful to finally have people whom I can call and talk frankly about my day and my kids' behavior rather than people who sugarcoat their lives so that they seem like it's so much easier and better for them.  I guess you could say, I was going to blow smoke up all of your asses and be ok with hitting publish.

Then I read Marty's blog. I've been reading Marty since the very beginning of blogging and while we've never met I consider her a friend. And I consider her a very honest and true writer.  Someone I definitely admire. Marty gave some advice to new bloggers today and as I was carefully crafting my above mentioned post I thought of her and what she wrote. And then I hit delete.

And now we're here.

So I had a conversation with a friend of mine who just had a baby and she told me how much she doesn't really like little little babies. Which I get.  I happen to like little little babies.  She likes when they're a bit older and can actually do stuff. I, on the other hand, find that in between stage where they can sort of do stuff and interact but aren't even close to self-sufficient to be one of the most frustrating parts of having little ones.

You know what? I can't freaking stand that stage.  And lucky for me, I have two kids in that stage right at this very moment.

Our twins are a miracle- every child is. I have found myself really enjoying them a lot more than I did my older two kids.  I don't know why.  Maybe because we had to "fight" for them and they had to fight to live those first few weeks.  Maybe because we're older now and I'm not nearly as uptight as I was.  Maybe it's just that I'm finally finding myself in a place- physically and emotionally- that is far healthier than where I was with my older two.  It really doesn't matter, the point is that our girls are a gift (just like our other two) and I cherish and appreciate more moments than I don't.

But holy crap, right now there are some days where I am convinced that if we put my kids and criminals in a room together criminals would confess to every crime an atrocity they've ever committed.  Because by the end of those days I'm ready to go out and commit a few crimes.

The girls can't walk yet but they make up for that by plotting late at night and planning for the next day. "Ok, tomorrow morning you wake up super early and cry no matter what she does. When she gives you that bottle you make sure you scream until she takes that thing and warms up that milk. Don't let her slack and give you that cold ass straight out the bottle shit." Says my skinny little firecracker Baby A.

And the response of my food and bottle loving Baby B, "Ok, but you make sure when she puts you on the floor with me you watch where I go and then you go the opposite way as fast as possible. Make sure you find that one random juice box straw wrapper left on the floor and put that in your mouth. She really jumps when you do crap like that. We got this...she'll be drinking by 11am, no doubt!"

They are cute, to be sure, but they are some of the biggest troublemakers around and when there are two of them it's insanity.  Factor in a 7 year old who loves school so much that he begged me to go to summer school and cried when he found out that school was really over for the summer and has since decided to whine his way through June, July and August.  And, of course, our 5 year old pre-menopausal daughter who has perfected the art of the temper tantrum and pout session.  And some days it seems like solitary with a dose of the prison laundry wouldn't be so bad.

But to be fair, there are the days when I lay my head down around 1 in the morning and think to myself, "Today was a good one. The screaming was minimal. The girls napped together, ate together, played together and really it was fun. The older two played outside and read their library books and ate exactly what was put in front of them. It was good. I win at today."  And those are the days that outweigh others even though they seem to be few and far between right now.

But see, that's the thing, now is only temporary.  My friend's baby will not be little little forever and she knows that and cherishes the time she does have while looking forward to the months ahead when the baby will be a bit bigger and more interactive.  I can't stand this stage where I feel like the girls have me held prisoner in a lot of ways but I know it's fleeting and there's more about this stage to love than there isn't.   So, I cherish this time and remember the good parts and laugh about the harder parts...usually over a shared glass of wine with a friend.


Sarah said...

Four children!

You have four children!

I myself think you should be nominated for sainthood for getting through any of your days with a modicum of sanity.

Kate said...

Every day you inspire me to do more, try more, be more. You've got a lot on your plate, but you live your life with honesty, humor, realism, and fun. Your kids are very very lucky to have you for a mom. They will grow up happy, and confident, and fun- and especially knowing that you don't have up be perfect to be AWESOME.

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