Signs

There is so much going on right now.  It's really unreal how much is changing and how nerve wracking that can be and how exciting.

I quit my job.  Which I'm pretty sure I put out there awhile ago.  But now it's really done.  I'll still get paid until early August but then that's it.  I will be unemployed.

And that is scary.  But exciting.

There was so much surrounding my leaving my job and I don't feel like much of it was positive.  The last few weeks were torturous there and I really could not wait for it all to end.  And when the last day finally came I found myself angrily leaving my job because, once again, they had made it seem like I was incompetent and under skilled in every which way.

I didn't leave my job because I couldn't handle having 4 kids and a full time job.

I didn't leave my job because I didn't like very many of the people there.

I didn't leave my job because I was burnt out.

I left my job because it was time for me to move forward past an organization that was constantly holding me back and asking me to compromise who I am and what I thought.  For a not so awesome paycheck.

But it was still a paycheck.  And I'm still going to miss my students, and a few of my co-workers.

So, now I move forward.

As I try to figure out where we go from here I look for signs in everything. Sometimes too much.  I'm a big believer in signs.

And I do believe I'm finding them.

I was having a particularly difficult evening last week because of work and I happened to turn on "The Daily Show" and Colin Powell was on.  Now, I could take or leave him really but I decided to watch the interview and it was all about his new book.  He focused on being positive and optimistic.  And recognizing the good in order to gain success.

And in that moment I decided that's what I needed to do.  And, really, it's made a difference.

The past week or so, I've found things to be happening in a good way- slowly- but positively.  And I can only hope they continue.

As I readied myself for my last few days I did begin to doubt my decision.  Maybe walking away from my paycheck, as crappy as it was, wasn't the best idea with 4 kids and bills.  Maybe I just needed to suck it up and deal.  Stop being a baby and be an adult.

And then my husband asked me when my official last day was.

"Monday." I said.

"So, after Monday that means we'll get to see you smile and laugh again, right?"

And in that moment I realized that I wasn't doing what I should be doing.  And walking away from my job was the right decision.  And taking the risk of going after something more and something better was far more important for me and my family than taking in a crappy paycheck and being miserable.

So, now I look for the signs- whether they are on TV, in person, in my dreams or driving down the street- and I move forward with the risk and the hope that something new and better is right over the horizon.