Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Of Violins and Softball Lessons

My five year old daughter informed me last night that she wants to play the violin and be an athlete. 

She wants to do BOTH.

First, I'm not so sure my ears or the ears of all of her siblings can take the violin so we may try to redirect her instrument choice.  But I will not deny her desire to play one.

Second, this statement made me so incredibly proud, happy and anxiety ridden all at once that I had to choose whether to cry tears of joy or  get into bed and attempt to sleep for the next 16 years.

(For the record, I told her absolutely and then forced her to go to bed!)

She loves music.  I mean LOVES it.  Singing.  Dancing. Playing the drums (which will not be our redirected instrument choice). Anything musical, she adores it.

She loves sports, too.  Truthfully?  She's really good at them, too.  Soccer is not her sport, but good Lord can the girl swing a softball bat and golf club like she was born to do it.  She has instinct and drive.  She belongs on the field and in between lines and I refuse to ignore that.

As her mother, as her parent, I am required to foster to any idea that she wants to try- within reason.

And I am more than happy to do that.

Watch that video.  Go ahead, I'll wait.  It's a good one.  Moosh in Indy actually introduced me to it and it instantaneously made me cry.

I quit my job about 3 weeks ago.  Well, no, I gave my notice that I would not be returning next year.  And I did it for a variety of reasons.  Some of which have to do with my kids and many of which do not.

Do I think it's going to be hard?  Oh, hell, yes.  The fear of not having my paycheck is a reality that keeps me up every night and it's the excuse I use for not getting up at 5am to go to the gym....I'm just too tired from laying awake all night thinking about not having a paycheck. 

I am fully aware it's not a good enough excuse.


I watched that video and through the tears all I could think about were my kids and what the next year would be like for them. 

MY plan is to stay home for a year.  I have a few things in the fire in terms of bringing in some extra cash.  And I'll be working on my MBA.  I will be keeping busy.

But my ultimate goal with the next year is to be there for my kids.  That means spending the majority of the day with my twins.  That means being able to make it to programs at the kids' school.  That means driving to dance classes and soccer practices and softball lessons and everything else that may come down the pike.

Essentially, it means being more present in my mom role than I am now.  And after watching that video, the thought of that is exciting to me.

It does not mean losing myself in the everyday but rather finding who I am within my role as a mom, a wife, a student, and a professional.  In every capacity.

It means organization and chaos.  Late nights and early mornings.  Lunches made and lunches bought. 

It means all the things I want it to be and all of the things I cannot possibly know that it will be.

When my husband and I got engaged all I wanted to do was be married to him because like the line from "When Harry Met Sally" goes, "When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right now."

I quit my job about 3 weeks ago and all I want is for the rest of my life to begin right now.


Colleen said...

I'm so happy for you. I know what a hard choice it must have been. Giving up that paycheck is a tough one, I know. In the long run... you adjust. And later... you will be so glad you were there to cart your kids around to all of their stuff and cheer them on at every turn.

You'll need more wine and beer though.

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