Say What?!

Maybe it's the way I was raised or that maybe I'm not nearly as nosy as my husband and family seem to think I am but I don't go up to complete strangers and inquire on their reproductive tendencies or the status of their bodily functions.

I have found, since giving birth to our twin girls, that not only is having two at once completely different at home than having just one but when you go out it's like you're a walking circus attraction.

"Come one, come all!  Look, the woman pushing the mack truck stroller has two infants at once! You won't want to miss this and don't forget to ask every inappropriate question possible of this stranger!!"

Seriously, people out there have some balls.  And they like to stare, too!

I've had some interesting questions over the past few weeks.  I've been venturing out little by little because my sanity needs it and I need to actually make sure that my kids have food and I do have errands to run.  The most common question, and definitely NOT inappropriate, is "Are they twins?"  I try not to give back a snarky response because maybe people don't realize that the two, almost equally sized, infants in my mack truck were born at the same time.  Or maybe they think I'm the hot young nanny of two families and these are just my two totally unrelated charges.

or not.

I also get other innocent questions like, "are they both girls?" or "are they identical?" or "what are their names?"  All things that I got in singleton form when my son and daughter were born.  Things I don't mind answering because I know that people love babies and, you know what, my babies are pretty dang cute!

But, for every innocent question there are two or three completely inappropriate questions.  And when I say inappropriate, I mean inappropriate for total strangers to ask me while standing in the middle of Target.  Not inappropriate for friends or family to ask in the right context- like they ask me if it's ok to ask me some personal questions.

Yesterday took the cake in terms of inappropriate questions and luckily I had friends with me to witness this.  People close to me can't believe what strangers say to me and I think they can't believe it because they would never say those things to me and most of them are related to me!

So, I'm in a popular craft store with all four of my kids and two very good friends.  I'm standing off to the side with the mack truck stroller waiting for everyone to be ready to head up front and pay.  I'm keeping my head down, checking on the twins and keeping to myself- I've found that if I don't make eye contact people won't say anything to me.  All of a sudden this woman approaches me- she has three children (pre-teens) in tow and she also has on some of the most hideous teal/blue eyeliner and iridescent lipstick and of course she's chewing gum WITH HER MOUTH OPEN!  And here is how our conversation went-

"Oh, two at once...isn't it hard? I had two at once, I didn't think I'd make it. It was so hard. Did you do IVF?"

I am not shitting you. She jumped right into the pool with both feet and no clothes on, figuatively.

"Uh....no, no IVF."

"WOW! So you conceived them naturally?! Wow...so hard.  Well, good luck."

And that was it.  She walked away at that point.  And as she walked away and left my friends with their mouths hanging open I thought of what I should have said instead of "uh....no, no IVF".  I should have said, "Nope, no IVF, just one night of that really crazy wild sex that no one likes to talk about but only really special people get to have." and then I should have walked away.

I get it, I really do, people LOVE babies and when there are two it's even better.  And do not get me wrong, my children- ALL OF THEM- are miracles, our twins are especially unique because we did go through a loss before we had them.  But I don't think the fact that I have twins and that I've chosen to venture out of my home with them to be so incredible that it gives perfect strangers the right to inquire on mine and my husband's conception method or whether or not my boobs are leaking.

My children are not circus freaks and I would love to talk with you if you have something supportive or funny to say or if you own a bar and give out free beers to moms.  And if you want to ask me innocent things about my children, any of them, or tell me how awesome they are or how cute they are or how fabulous I look almost 6 weeks after delivery and with 40 extra pounds on....FEEL FREE. 

Other than that, please, think twice before you decide to say something because, really, your questions and comments, when inappropriate, are not wanted and rude and don't help my already shaky mental well being.  And you don't want to be the one I dump two very full bottles of smelly, gross, preemie formula on.