Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Parenting Fail??

You know when I started this blog I started it because I felt I had a way to connect with other moms.  We all have something in common, no matter where we live or what we believe or how many kids we have.  There is a common thread. 

We are moms.

We have kids.

We stress.

I feel like I may have drifted from that or maybe not.  Maybe I just went in the direction I needed to go in.  Either way, I do feel like I haven't spoken about my kids much.  And there are reasons.  But they won't be revealed right now.

But I will talk about my kids.

There are days when my kids and their actions make me feel like the worst parent in the world.  More often than not it's because of my reactions to their actions.  But sometimes it is just because of the way they act.  And how I think that reflects on me as a parent.

Take, for instance, my daughter.  She is, as they say, a piece of work. (To put it mildly.)  The child is the most independent and fiercely daring individual I think I have ever encountered.  She is not yet 3.  All of this put together makes my life somewhat difficult.  And, at points, embarrassing.

I do not want to crush my daughter's independence.  I think it's wonderful. But if she is not the most stubborn little thing I have ever met, I don't know who is!  Seriously, the child pushes every button I have and I think she has even installed a few new ones that are specifically just for her.

Potty training? Oh, we were almost done.  Almost being the key word there.  I think she got wind of the fact that I was thrilled to have her out of diapers before 2.5 years and said to herself, "Screw mom, I am NOT crapping on a toilet!  And you know what? I'm going BACK to peeing in my pull-ups!  THAT'S RIGHT LADY, NO BIG GIRL UNDERPANTS FOR ME!"

And you think she doesn't talk like that?

Have you seen her??


There are days when I'm afraid to go into her room to wake her up because I'm fairly certain that she's building some sort of torture device meant especially for me.
Good thing she sleeps in our bed.

Yeah, I said it.

Yeah, it sucks.

Yeah, it frustrates the crap out of me.

Yeah, you can judge me for it.  

I don't give a shit.

It's survival of the fittest around here sometimes.

But seriously, I really question my ability as a parent sometimes.  My kids' teachers think that my two children are AWESOME.  No joke.  Then we come home.  My parents see my children clean up the entire playroom better than cleaning people could do.  Then we come home.  My friends see my children listen and go to the potty on their own and play nicely.  Then we come home.

I've never done this before.  This parenting thing.  And there are a lot of days that I really wonder if I'm not screwing my kids up completely.  Or at least screwing all of the people who might have to deal with them as they get older. 

I mean seriously. 

Sometimes, my kids do not listen.  They don't clean up after themselves.  Bedtime can be a real bitch.  And let's not revisit potty training 101 with my daughter.  My 5 year old is starting to talk back and he said damn last week.  And my almost 3 year old corrected my husband on the correct usage of Jesus Christ.

Seriously, parenting fail on our parts.  And I try.  I really do.

My husband?  Well, he has 'SUCKER' written across his forehead.  Especially for the little red headed girl that we call our daughter.

And so, we step it up.  Our children go to their rooms now when they talk back or misbehave.  We talk about why their behavior is wrong.  We scold.  But there are the moments when they break me and my voice and my persona go to that place that I don't want to go to.  And I become angry mommy.

And that's when I question if I'm really being a good parent. 

And I worry.


Mommy, I'm Home said...

Hey, the talking back, swearing and just general pushing of all parental buttons happens to all of us at one time or another. It doesn't mean we're failing as parents. It means are kids are just being normal kids. Cut yourself some slack. Hang in there. You and your kids will survive and thrive.

Mommy, I'm Home said...

Oh, and if it makes you feel better, my 9 year old still sleeps on the floor at the foot of our bed from time to time. (She would sleep on the bed if I let her, but I kicked her out when she started hogging all the covers...)

Helen Wright said...

I did not hear one fail! G slept with us until he was 4 AND he will be coming up to his 1 year anniversary of going to sleep without us lying down beside him this coming July...and yes, he just turned 6 last week. If there is a parent out there that doesn't think that they have 'fails' then they are doing it wrong...or lying!
Best thing I ever heard (and this was way before children) was that we, as adults, act completely differently at home than we do out. Including mood swings, stubbornness, and whining...so why do we think that children wouldn't do it!?!
I had a Cuban neighbour down in GA that used to say, "I rather have them cry now than me cry later". Genius I say! Although at the time his 8 year old daughter was grounded for 2 weeks for a very minor offence...but you get my drift!
btw; my husband has the same tattoo!

natural girl said...

You ar an awesome mother!!!! How do I know this when I am sitting in New Zealand and we've never met???? Because you are worried about whethter you are doing a good job.
Parents who suck at parneting don't have that angst they are too self involved.
My son could swear profusely by the time he was 3. Thats what you get when you have a blended family and the teenage girls from his side think its cute to teach your 2half year old to swear. How did I cope with that? I taught him that there are aprropriate places ( home) and inappropraite places ( everywhere else) to swear and you know what he never let me down once. He's 17 now and turned out just fine.
Here's my advice:

You are great mom.Repeat as necessary.
Oh and btw my husband used to go and lie with his daughte if she couldn't get to sleep even when she was 11! ( No yucky stuff just bveing a good dad)( isn't it sad I felt I had to add that?)

flutter said...

seems to me you are a great mom. Seems to me that you are also a human being, they aren't mutually exclusive

Cfitzgerald0717 said...

I bet you are doing a fabulous job as a mom. Your love for those two children of yours shows in every post, picture of facebook and status update and that is what counts. You should proud to be such a good mom.

By the way, I slept on my parents floor until I was 12. Not every night, but almost every night. And I like to think I turned out ok. :)


PS I love your blog. It makes me smile every time I read it and think about growing up with you!

Brigitte said...

I agree with 'natural girl', the fact that you are worried about whether you are a good mommy or not shows you ARE a good mommy! To be concerned about this and concerned how your kids are going to turn out shows that there is a whole lot of love there!
I love your honesty.
I love your blog.
I'm feeling your pain also (especially in the potty training area...!)

JLG said...

First of all, you made me laugh so hard when reading this1 Partly beacuse I so know your kids as you know mine. You are oding a great job as a parent! I recently learned from T's school that he can do so much more than he lets me know, hmmm like potty training! Something I thought was so far off the horizon, he apparently does for the strangers that he goes to school with, but for me no freaking way! I think children come preprogrammed from the factory to know just which buttons to push to get us going. But, what they don't know, and we should definitely keep this a secet fom them, is this; the button pushing teaches us valuable parenting lessons! Hang in there we all have to stick together on this, we are all in the same boat!

Mommy X said...

Oh boy, do I ever understand your position! Just for the record - you will only fail if you stop trying, stop caring whether or not you fail. You are a great mom. We all have our own life experiences. We all know our own capacity for what we can and cannot accept. We all have to make decisions. Bottom line - if you are not harming you kids, they will turn out just fine. At least you care. Some parents just don't. My hat is off to you. You are a real mom. A good mom. A loving mom. And SO far from being a failure.

Oh, and I gave you a blog award because you're fab. Would I give an award to a failure? Heck-to-the-no! XO

Kristy said...

No judgment here! We've all been there and it's totally normal I think. I used to feel a little bad thinking, "My child is a maniac." Now I just say it like it is fact and don't feel bad at all. He is a maniac. Probably would have a blast with your sassy, cute-as-pie girl.

Kristy said...

I have given you an Honest Scrap award!

Miss K said...

I worry about that stuff all the time. I worry that I'm not patient enough, or that I let the kids watch too much TV. We'll all survive in the end. I just try to love them as much as I can....

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