Reasonable Doubt

Is it a conscious decision that we make to phase someone out of our lives or is it something that simply happens?  Are those friendships which we held most dear 5, 10 or 15 years ago and now no longer exist not there because we willingly and knowingly walked away from them or is it something far less decisive and simplistic in that we simply drifted apart from those friends and those relationships?

I think about the friendships I have now and the ones I do not.  Some ended of my own decision and choice.  Some of them ended because I made mistakes and ended up ruining, permanently, what we had.  Some ended because someone else did something wrong that ended the friendship.  And some, well, they live in this in between place where there is no reason or explanation.

I cannot pinpoint the moments in certain friendships where they ceased to exist and for many of them, I'm ok with that.  I believe in the idea of forever friends and I also believe in the idea of friends who drift in and out of your life for specific reasons.  I guess the thing that I'm struggling with is the idea that certain friendships I was sure would be forever friendships and have ended up drifting away with little to no explanation.

Those are the friendships that I'd really like reason for.

These are not the friendships where I am at fault or the other person is at fault.  These are the friendships that were once talk everyday and see one another as much as possible and then they drifted into less frequent talking, occasional emails, maybe a text or two.  And then the canceled plans and unanswered emails and ignored texts and eventually there is no communication.

And I'm left to wonder how the friendships that are maintained for that person are more important than the one we had.  I'm left to question if I did do something wrong.  I'm left to wonder how it all got away from us and if the other person feels the same way.

And I'm beginning to doubt that very much.